Day: December 30, 2008

Eat My Sports: Now, more than ever

If any of you out there had grown soft over the New York Yankees because they didn’t make the playoffs this past year, or because Darth Vader Al Davis George Steinbrenner had finally stepped down from the day-to-day operations of the team, then the past few weeks should have been a swift reminder as to why you should hate the New York Yankees.

Most people think I’m just a bitter Red Sox fan moaning over the fact that my boys weren’t able to land prized free agent Mark Teixeira. They could not be further from the truth. I never understood why Theo Epstein wanted Tex to begin with. We were already loaded with an All-Star infield, and were in no need of a first baseman, especially with Kevin Youkilis emerging as one of the game’s premier players. There was no room or need for Teixeira, or another $180 million on the books. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Now, more than ever

We prefer our breasts prenatal

OK, ladies: what’s the deal?

We’re not allowed to see your breasts in changing rooms or beaches or on carefully hidden bathroom cameras, but we’re supposed to look when you’re breastfeeding?

Let us backtrack a minute.

Heather Farley has, in the spirit of lazy Internet people, started a Facebook group to protest Facebook. It appears the social networking Web site took down photos of her breastfeeding her baby. In response, her group is cleverly tittied titled, “Hey, Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene!” [exclamation point hers, because that shows she’s serious].

Facebook, the fascist company that hosts her protest group, said the image showed her areola, which — in this Web site’s estimation — violates their image rules.

So, according to Farley, we’re not supposed to look at her breasts when she’s young and hot and fancy free, but she can show them to us when she’s somebody’s mother? With a baby gumming all over the nipples?

This is what’s wrong with America. We don’t want to see them now; we wanted to see them before they reminded us of the dangers of sex.

Steroids = Game Genie

Kansas Jayhawks wide receiver Dezmon Briscoe has had an absolutely wonderful season, racking up 78 receptions for 1,206 yards and 12 touchdowns (including three straight 100-yard games). How did he do it? No, he didn’t study game film, like most football players do, nor did he juice up like some of his contemporaries — he merely played hours of Madden NFL 09.

When the Kansas City Star asked what helped him improve his game the most this year, the sophomore specifically cited the 20th iteration of EA’s football franchise: “I’d have to say the updated Madden 2009,” since, in last year’s game, “they didn’t really roll their coverages as much.” Briscoe seems to be quite impressed with EA Tiburon’s new defensive AI, and he truly seems to believe that his own on-the-field improvements are, in part, due to the large amount of time he spent with the game:

I mean, I play Madden a whole lot … They roll their defenses now. The game systems these days are just crazy. Me playing Madden, it helps me read the defense on the field.

So instead of heading to the film room, he hangs out in the dorm room of his best friend and teammate, running back Rell Lewis, where Briscoe uses the Oakland Raiders to win games of Madden 09. It’s not like the real life counterparts are actually doing that job.

Why so sensitive?

Because we never miss an opportunity to make a reference to Heath Ledger, Warner Bros. announced that it is canceling the release of The Dark Knight in China, citing “cultural sensitivities.”

Well, we know that Chinese culture is totally cool with someone spying on their communications at all times, so that can’t be it. What about a Chinese national being one of the bad guys? Nah, they can’t be that sensitive. Maybe it’s because part of the movie takes place in Hong Kong, which just so happens to be within their borders, and the forcible kidnapping of said Chinese national from within China to the U.S.? Well, maybe, but the movie did well in Hong Kong.

Then maybe it’s because the movie features a woman in a powerful position. Yep, that’s the one.