Mitch comes home to find his insatiable girlfriend in the bedroom watching hardcore porn. He thinks all his Christmases have come at once … until he discovers the two naked strangers she’s spending time with. When your girlfriend’s hosting a mini-orgy and you’re not invited, it’s probably time to move on. So begins Old School, an absolutely hilarious comedy which follows Mitch and his buddies Frank and Beanie. They decide to drop out of the relationship rat race and rediscover their college years by opening a frat house at the local university.
Day: January 2, 2009
Both Zune owners listening to music again
The 30-gigabyte model of the Microsoft Zune, that portable music player that you’ve heard of but never seen, briefly lost all functionality this New Year’s because it was not Y2k9 compliant.
Microsoft announced yesterday, though, that they work now and followed with their customary tech support advice: “Did you try resetting it?”
So, as a small portion of the world breathes a heavy sigh of relief, we are reminded of that age old philosophy question …
Ask Dr. Snee: Birth Control to the Future
Dear Dr. Snee,
I keep seeing these weird commercials for ladies’ birth control that looks like a little plastic tree that goes in their vagina? How the hell does that work? It won’t plug my peehole, right?
–milfplugah69
You’re talking about the Mirena IUD. No, it won’t plug your “peehole,” or urethra, when you’re “plowing” all those “MILFs.” Actually, they should be called MYLFs, because maybe you’d like to “fornicate” them, but Elvis and I agree: doing a mother is wrong, especially the mother of your children.
As to how it works, this is a closely-guarded medical secret, which is why I’m going to tell you and the millions who read this serious medical advice column: time travel. Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: Birth Control to the Future
Protip: Threatening suicide can get you arrested
Especially if you’re only rocking a Vorpal Blade of +5 constitution.
A teenager in Middletown, Ohio, learned that threatening to commit suicide while in a chat during a session of World of Warcraft can get you arrested. While talking with a Blizzard rep in-game, he made a phony threat, to which the rep quickly phoned in the faux call for help to police. The unnamed teen was promptly arrested on misdemeanor charges.
He was quoted as claiming, “The game is the only thing [I have] to live for.”
Seriously, WoW players? You make it far easier than I’d ever believe most of the time.
Give credit where credit is due
It’s a new year, in case you were wondering why everyone was hung over yesterday. We would like to begin 2009 on a bright note, but alas, battles wear on, and the War on Animals continues because our enemies do not recognize the Gregorian calendar (we mean animals, not the Chinese).
A Russian scholar is making waves lately, madly claiming that humans did not kill off the woolly mammoth but merely had a part in killing off the woolly mammoth. Sergey Zimov of the Russian Academy of Science claims that there were three factors that doomed the hairy elephants. This probably communist says that climate change, a meteor and of course, we humans, created a perfect storm that made them go extinct.
Really, Comrade Zimov? A meteor? Haven’t you alleged scientists already used that excuse to explain away the disappearance of the dinosaurs? Get real, Russkie. Our ancestors kill those bad boys off and it remains a legacy every human can be proud of.