Day: January 8, 2009

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Step Brothers’

One quick note: MasterChugs Theater will now be on Thursday evenings instead of Fridays. I’m a power-hungry animal that wants my way and no one puts me in the corner. On to the review!

With Step Brothers, Will Ferrell seems to be intentionally setting up a target for critics who have lambasted him reusing a man-child persona in most of his roles. In this movie, Ferrell’s character Brennan is as dumb as his version George W. Bush (ironic given how the movies starts), as enthusiastic as a Spartan cheerleader, as convinced of his own importance as Ron Burgundy and as obsessed with toys as Buddy the Elf. And, to prove that you shouldn’t fix it if it ain’t broke, Step Brothers is hilarious, an ode to the adolescent that lives within us all but takes human form in Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Step Brothers’

SOS: Save Our Sex (films)!

OK, things were kind of bad before when the Big Three U.S. automakers almost shut down. Also, when our banks started to collapse, we got a little worried. To be honest, the idea of loans companies collapsing made us think of Fight Club, so we got distracted by … well, we’re not allowed talk about that.

But we are absolutely, pants-ruining (and not the good way … unless you’re into that) terrified now: the porn industry has asked for a bailout.

Pornographer Larry Flint (mad props, sir) and Douchebag Joe Francis have released a combined press statement that the industry is fine for now, but could go under at any moment in the current financial climate. This could be prevented by giving them $5 billion.

Imagine your life without porn:

  • Taking shorter lunch breaks at work.
  • Using your iPhone for phone calls.
  • Spending more time with your family instead of sending them off to Chuck E. Cheese without you.

Are you terrified now? Good!

Write your congressperson and make sure this necessary Stimulus Stimulus Package passes!

That’s a new approach

In the ongoing pursuit to find new ways to shoplift, a South Dakota woman faked birth pains in order to try and get away with stealing none other than a key chain.

A key chain? Really?

We here at SG would accept faking birth pains for the following items:

  • Booze (specifically Jack Daniel’s)
  • Guns (after all, didn’t you know that Jesus and Moses used guns to defeat the Romans?)
  • SG T-shirts

I learned how to press the X button for gas all by myself!

I am a resident of Virginia, and for the most part, I enjoy this state. It’s temperate, it’s got better drivers than those you would find in the state of Maryland (but then again, schools for the blind have better drivers-I kid, I kid) and it’s not that wholly objectionable of a state.

Of course, there are also times that make me wish I lived in a different state. This is one of those times.

A six-year-old Virginia boy was so intent on getting to school one morning that, after missing the school bus, he decided to help himself to the family sedan and drive there.

However, being six, he only managed to find a utility pole instead.

He only suffered minor injuries, and was even able to get to school, escorted there by authorities after a quick hospital evaluation. Since mom was asleep when the driving proviso decided to start his day, his parents were charged with child endangerment, and he and his brother are now in protective custody.

The boy claims he learned to drive playing Grand Theft Auto and Monster Truck Jam. Which, you know, is wonderful that the parents are clearing doing a great job of letting their youngster play GTA. This is a parenting tip we could all learn from.

Fun fact: Six-year-olds are magnets for utility poles. Really. Stick one in front of them and the two will be stuck together like white on rice.

When divorces get ugly

Some divorces are quick and amicable, these are an extreme rarity, of course. Most divorces are really, really long and will be dragged out over the most petty stuff. Why is this? Because we’re adults, and it’s our right as adults to act like children!

So here’s a great idea: let’s say you once donated a kidney to your wife in order to pretty much save her life. Why don’t you turn that around on her in the divorce years later, demanding compensation. That’s exactly what one New York man did, and he’s demanding $1.5 million for his former organ.

Well, you have to give him points for creativity.