The McBournie Minute: Your watch is ringing
Posted on January 12, 2009
Filed Under McBournie Minute | 1 Comment |
If you’re like me, the news coming out of the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) this year makes you scratch your head and say, “Do what, now?” I fancy myself a pretty technically efficient person. I know how to get to the Google, I can navigate the Series of Tubes and I even contribute regularly to a blog (perhaps you’ve heard of it), but most of the stuff coming out is so technical I don’t get it, or it will not affect me anyway.
But I do know one thing: LG’s watch phone sucks.
It’s nothing against LG, I love LG. They make good televisions and I’ve never had a major issue with any of their cell phones I have purchased. But look at this. It’s a cell phone, but it’s a watch, wooooooo! Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieUpdate: how to fake your own death
Posted on January 12, 2009
Filed Under How To | 2 Comments |
See if you can figure out where Marcus Schrenker’s false demise went wrong.
Step 1: Take off in a small plane and head to Florida. (Good.)
Step 2: Make a distress call and parachute out of the plane, letting it drift and eventually crash into a Northern Florida swamp. (Great … )
Step 3: Wearing flight goggles, talk to a police officer, saying you were in “a canoe accident.” (What?)
Step 4: Get a ride from that officer to a local hotel. Check into it using a fake name. (OK, that’s … an improvement from Step 3.)
Step 5: Pay for the room in cash, disguise yourself in a black toboggan cap and run for the woods. (Sounds dangerous … )
Step 6: Become the subject of a manhunt because military aircraft tracked your plane before it crashed and noticed you left the door open mid-flight and the cockpit was empty. (D’oh!)
If Marcus didn’t read our How To on faking your own death, he’ll probably wish he had. What did we say in step 3? Always burn a substitute body.
Written by Rick SneeJoe the Attention Whore
Posted on January 12, 2009
Filed Under Scurry (Politics) | Leave a Comment |
Joe the Plumber, who became famous this past election for the job he doesn’t actually do and a name he doesn’t actually have, may run for Senate.
Republican Senator George Voinovich (What’s with political names this year?) will reportedly announce that he will not run for re-election. Joe (Samuel) has already expressed interest in Democratic Congresswoman Marcy Kaptur’s seat, and he’s also pretending to be a news reporter in Israel right now. So, when it comes to delusions of grandeur, the sky’s the limit for this plumber ( …?).
Of course, if Joe (Samuel) doesn’t actually win the election, that shouldn’t stop him from calling himself Joe the Senator. Either way, he’s voting to give himself a raise.
Written by Rick SneeWhat’s your poison?
Posted on January 12, 2009
Filed Under Booze News | Leave a Comment |
They’re here, they’re queer, and apparently not afraid of ricin either. Seattle area gay bars are not suffering any loss of business despite a recent threat that random people would be targeted to be killed by the poison out at the local watering holes.
Gay bars, fighting for our freedom one drink at a time.
Written by Bryan Schools“If you don’t drink, a terrorist wins.” — Chris Daw
Do not read this if you are man of the male species
Posted on January 12, 2009
Filed Under That Wacky Australia | 1 Comment |
There’s nothing like starting off a Monday morning with a good cringe–trust us. That’s why we’re bringing you this gem.
An Australian woman is facing charges related to the death of her husband. Officials believe she killed her husband by setting his penis on fire. They say the woman suspected her husband of having an affair after seeing him hug another woman. This should serve as a reminder to the rest of us: fireproof your genitals before it’s too late.
“Boord quoted Narayan allegedly saying: ‘I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else. … I didn’t mean this to happen.’”
How great is the picture on that link? A closeup of a match next to a man lying on a bed with his shirt off. Did iStockphoto just happen to have a penis-related fire incident photo in stock or something? Is this a common occurence? We’ll keep you posted.
Written by Bryan McBournie