Day: January 13, 2009

Eat My Sports: Championship Football II

Welcome to the anniversary of my prediction of a San Diego/Green Bay Super Bowl! For some reason last year’s edition of this column ended up being my most widely-popular one since EMS started. Why? I have no freaking clue. The only thing I really revealed was that a) the football gods were smiting my picks last year, and b) Eli Manning’s real name is Elisha.

Hindsight is 20-20, so, onto the future. At the beginning of the year I predicted that Super Bowl XLIII would be a match up of the the high-flying New Orleans Saints against the grit of the Pittsburgh Steelers. I also had New Orleans defeating Philadelphia in the NFC Title game in order to reach the Super Bowl. So, predicting correctly two of the final four teams left is not bad. And for those of you who had Arizona and Baltimore getting this far 19 weeks ago, Lindsay Lohan wants some of whatever you are smoking. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Championship Football II

Think outside the bun church

Romance is alive and well at Taco Bell. (Sorry for the rhyming on that one.) Aiming to save money and probably give guests Montezuma’s revenge, a couple had their wedding at a local branch of the fast food chain.

The couple met online and coincidentally had the same last name already. For those of you thinking they are cousins, try again. Paul Brooks is from the U.S., Caragh Brooks is from Australia. The couple met online and it was love at first Nacho Bell Grande.

The bride wore a $15 pink dress, and the groom, I don’t know, wore a T-shirt tuxedo thing, probably.

The fast food wedding is the first of its kind since our own Rick Snee’s “Enchanted Evening at McDonald’s.”

Tastes like blade-y

A 23-year-old Beijing game addict was rushed to a hospital after swallowing five pieces of saw blades in an attempt to commit suicide. Just great.

The man “kept talking incoherently about how to win his favorite computer games, even after being sent to a Beijing hospital ICU” on Sunday.

According to the report the man has been addicted to computer games since early in junior high school, but his condition worsened recently.

It does make you wonder a little if there is something about the culture or politics of China, Japan, Korea or any other Asian countries that seems to make people more predisposed to game addiction there, or at least makes the results more extreme.

It could be an issue of the media in China writing more about the issue because it’s become very high profile recently. It could be a case of people leading unfulfilled lives. It could just be a case of China cracking down on porn. Who knows?

Pro-tip: Swallowing saw blades is not a secret Game Genie technique.

You know how rape isn’t supposed to be funny?

Tell that to Alaskan sex offender, Alec Ahsoak, who won a lottery that funds Standing Together Against Rape in Alaska.

Part of the reason behind the group is that — call them prudes, but — rape is wrong. Also, Alaska sports the highest rape per capita of any population outside of a federal prison.

But did that stop the group’s leader from raping the definition of irony?

“With a ranking that high, it’s ironic that the person who wins is a convicted sex offender,” said Nancy Haag, Executive Director of the group.

Nope, when you have the highest rape rate per person in a state that is that cold, the irony is that a sex offender didn’t win their lottery.

This is why you’re paying increased prices

Yankee Stadium will make its public debut on April 16, when the Yanks are scheduled to face the Cleveland Indians. However, we’ve got a pretty good idea what we’ll be seeing the first time we cross the threshold of Baseball’s Cathedral 2.0 — Sony devices and branding, as far as the eye can see.

Well, those of you that can actually afford to go to the game, that is.

Sony Electronics and the Pinstripers announced Thursday of last week that they’d signed an agreement designating Sony the official consumer electronics manufacturer of the Yankees. What’s this mean? Well, Sony gets a prominent advertisement on the right-field wall (as well as a number of diorama ads in the concourse), and the new stadium gets over 550 Bravia and LCD HD televisions for the high-roller suites, and a PS3 gaming area in the park’s “Strike Zone.” Oh, also, the Yanks’ new mascot is Polygon Man. That’s a fair trade-off, right? Sure, if you’re into decadence.

Co-Warriors of the Week: Steven Foggarty, Syb Mundy

Sure, in the Northern Hemisphere it’s winter, but in the Southern Hemisphere it’s summer right now. (Also, toilets flow backwards and people drive on the wrong side of the street; it’s basically Bizarro Northern Hemisphere.) Summer means it’s time to surf in Australia, which unfortunately also means it’s time to feast if you’re a shark.

Luckily, most Australians are not sharks, nor are they fans of them. (You may recall that the War on Animals began in Australia after the martyrdom of St. Steven of Irwin.) Aussie surfers have been getting attacked by sharks lately, three in just two days. But the Australians have come out swinging.

Two of the three recent attacks involved punching the shark to get him (or her) to let go. We salute these brave warriors, who in the heat of battle showed the courage to defeat, if not kill, the enemy. And remember, The Guys always recommend carrying Bat Shark Repellent when surfing.