Day: January 14, 2009

Take it from Snee: Your generation sucks

Oh, Internet news sites. You’ve let me down again.

Look, I don’t expect too much out of you, CNN, MSNBC, Fox News and et al. I get it: you don’t really understand how the Internet already shares common knowledge through Snopes and Fark.

But, somebody on news editing staffs must know that prejudice and pseudoscience are not newsworthy, no matter who it’s about. They know this, yet they give the go-ahead to articles like the Associated Press’s January 11th inauguration filler, “With Obama, many say bye-bye to the boomer generation.” Continue reading Take it from Snee: Your generation sucks

Clap if you believe in chlamydia

Thanks to quite a few of you out there, chlamydia and syphilis — which were supposed to be almost extinct — are making a comeback.

The U.S. Center for Disease Control reports that the number of chlamydia and syphilis cases are up for the third time in a row, and gonerrhea and AIDS are tagging along for the ride.

In fact, 2007 was a banner year for chlamydia: a record 1.1 million cases, and that’s only the ones we’ve counted. (The CDC estimates another 1 to 1.5 million cases go unreported.) This once endangered species is flourishing again, so much that the CDC is reopenning hunting seasons for it.

So, congratulations to all of you conversationalists and thank you for your dedication to barebacking it. Perhaps in a few year, we will once again see majestic crab-lice herds stomping through the prairies of the American heartland!

Virginia is for pedophilic gamers

Who knew that chatting up 13-year olds via Xbox Live then asking them for naked photos would be so frowned upon? What’s that you say? Anyone with a shred of common sense? What’s also that you say? We did very early on in our SG career? That’s right, we did.

One man who learned that lesson the hard way was 24 year old Portsmouth, Virginia resident Ryan Edwin Donker. Donker, whose very last name might even be considered inappropriate for those underage, admitted to police that he had asked for naked photos of an Xbox Live user from Fayetteville, Arkansas. He was arrested, extradited to Arkansas, charged with a felony and held on $20,000 bond.

The Fayetteville Police Department recorded multiple Xbox Live conversations between Donker and the boy following the first incident.

According to reports from the Northwest Arkansas Times, Donker told police that requests for naked pictures from the boy were a “joke.” Right. Whatever you say, Donker.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: Virginia, sometimes you make me want to live in another state.

Why pay for something they normally give away?

Shocking news comes to us this morning from California, where a man sold his 14-year-old daughter into marriage to an 18-year-old for beer, money and meat. The father then called the police on his would-be son-in-law and, get this, the police came and arrested the father.

First off, shouldn’t the groom be arrested for paying for a wife? Today, most of the time if you want a wife, the most you have to do is send away for her, back in the Olden Days, a bride’s father would actually give you money and/or gifts so that you would marry his daughter.

Moving along, remember your first time? Natalie Dylan certainly will, because it will make her $3.7 million. The 22-year-old is auctioning off her virginity to the highest bidder so she can pay for grad school and currently that’s about where the highest bidder is right now.

She’s 22 and a virgin? Really? Her older sister apparently is or was a prostitute, wouldn’t you think that lessens the odds of reality on this one. It sounds too good to be true, and it probably is. Besides, who has $3.7 million to blow on something like that in this economy?