Mike Nichols has directed some classics (Catch 22, The Graduate, Working Girl) and some turkeys (Wolf, Regarding Henry). With Closer he returns to a chamber piece similar to his first feature, Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf, which also dealt with couples trapped in dysfunctional relationships. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Closer’
Day: January 22, 2009
Happy Abortion Day!
Protesters are canvasing the streets of the nation’s capitol today, sustaining themselves on the leftovers in trashcans from Tuesday’s inauguration/big-ass balls. They’re marking the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the only Supreme Court case most Americans can name, which made abortion legal in the United States.
Oh, but they’re not burning babies like their hippie forebears. No, they want abortion made illegal again.
This Web site supports free speech and all consequences that result from it, but don’t these people know what they’re asking for?
Parents have maintained order in the great nation of ours with a threat: “I brought you into this world, and I can take you back out of it.” As we’ve mentioned before, this threat does not work if it is an empty one. It will only work if some parents occasionally take their children out of the world, and if others refuse to bring their children into the world. (You know, to punish them for presumably making a #2 inside of you.)
So, how can you bring your well-behaved teenage children to sleep-ins (no, really) to protest the actions of others that enabled you to raise them? Hypocrites.
Mom and Dad are never going to believe this one
We announced just two days ago that our efforts to eradicate squirrels from the U.S., and hopefully, the face of the Earth, was working well. Today, we bring you proof of why we have to get this done: flaming kamikaze squirrels.
Sure, it sounds like a cheap knock-off of Kung Fu Panda, but it’s real. A squirrel in Oklahoma set itself on fire (undoubtedly on purpose) by touching power lines, then went to work setting an elementary school ablaze, forcing the school to be evacuated.
Folks, our enemies the animals are not just after us, they are after our children. Every minute we allow our foes to exist is an added risk to the survival of the youth, and in turn, our future.
Finally, we can breathe easy
Life is short. It’s also scary. We don’t know what our next will end up being. Heck, we don’t even know if we’ll still have a job tomorrow. Life is not just short, it’s expensive. Unfortunately, another salmonella outbreak in peanut butter-based products has made one of the most delicious yet cost-conscious foods to ever grace our palettes that much more expensive. But don’t worry …
… Girl Scout cookies are still safe. This apparently news-worthy article has been brought to you by the delicious Samoas and Peanut Butter Patties.
Drink it in, gramps
In the best news The Guys have ever found out should they ever get old, drinking alcohol at an old age can actually be a health benefit. Even being a fancy-pants and drinking a glass of wine at a bar is OK, Rick.
However, it should be noted that if you do not have a liver, then drinking probably isn’t in your best interest (I’m looking directly at you, Radford).
Snowdrift of the living dead
It’s been a while since we heard any news from the undead scourge. The winters normally cause zombies to go into a dormant state (you know, other than death), so they are not really a threat until spring. Some believe this is why we have Easter.
This is not a normal zombie case by any means. A woman was found in a snowdrift in Milwaukee frozen pretty solid over. Even a surgeon said she was “technically dead.” But once again, science interfered with God’s plan and she was brought back from the dead at a nearby hospital. The zombie claims to go by the name of Tia Ross, who was 25 when she was living.
Speak, zombie, speak!
“I was dead and he brought me back to life,” Ross said.
Doctors are unsure of when Ross will be released from the hospital to feast on the flesh of the living.