Day: January 26, 2009

The McBournie Minute: Oprah will never govern you

I had planned on writing something along the lines of how tired I am already of hearing about what President Barack Obama ate for breakfast and what color underwear Michelle Obama is wearing, but then I found this bit of news: Illinois Gov. Rod “The Bod” Blagojevich thought about appointing Oprah Winfrey to the U.S. Senate. Let me repeat that.

Blagojevich thought about appointing Oprah to the U.S. Senate–in real life.

For some unknown reason, Blagojevich is touring the television circuit like he’s not sure he and the squirrel living on top of his head will ever get to see another camera again. I can’t imagine why he or his friendly woodland creature would think a thing like that. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Oprah will never govern you

Warrior of the Week: Zeus

We may not really think of it anymore, but every time we hear thunder, it’s been scientifically proven that that’s Zeus, the king of gods, throwing lightning bolts down from Mount Olympus.

But did you know that Zeus hates animals just like you? It’s true. Archaeologists have discovered an ancient Greek cult worshiped Zeus, and would make pilgrimages to a mountaintop where they would sacrifice animals for the god. This means the War on Animals has had a blessing from one deity or another for thousands of years.

The Hindu gods don’t count, because a lot of them are part animal, and thus support the enemy.

Please, won’t someone think of the kittens?

In other Virginia Tech related news, Michael Vick is back!

And apparently, the group that he wants to know this bit of news just doesn’t care.

PETA, the terrorists group that just won’t stop, would like a new ad. Apparently, it’s been about two months or so since they did debuted their last one. Their choice for the ad? Michael Vick.

Yeah, that Michael Vick.

It’s your classic tale of quid pro quo. Vick gives PETA their ad, PETA endorses Vick’s return to the NFL, it’s how the world works. Welllllll, someone in their marketing department just remembered who he was. Now, PETA is saying no. Actually, they’re saying more than just no. They’re also saying that Vick should be given a psychiatric evaluation.

The gross irony of the situation?

Daphna Nachminovitch, with PETA said, “We’re not interested in being part of a cynical ploy that’s nothing but public relations.”

Because with pamphlets with titles like “Your Mommy Kills Animals!”, their main concern is clearly not public awareness, but public relations.

Animals, witchdoctors joining forces

There may be a crime problem in the U.S., but we really don’t have anything on the criminals of Nigeria, because they use trickery to outfox the local law enforcement–or at least they try.

A goat was arrested in Nigeria recently in connection with an attempted armed robbery. The police said the goat, was part of a gang that tried to steal a car. Wait, there’s more. Local vigilantes told police they were on patrol when they saw two people trying to steal a car, when they chased after the thugs, one used black magic to turn into a goat. We are glad to hear that animals are not escaping the long arm of the law in at least one country. To hell with libel laws, the goat clearly did it.

“‘We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat,'” police said.

So far, the goat isn’t talking.