Day: February 10, 2009

Eat My Sports: No free passes

This past weekend was a relatively quieest one. I wait tables on Saturdays, so I went into work a bit early, and went through my Saturday routine of eating my breakfast while watching SportsCenter. First few minutes, nothing big. There were a few basketball highlights that I could’ve cared less about, the same Michael Phelps’ photo re-played about half a dozen times. Then the bottom line came up with breaking news, Alex Rodriguez, the heir apparent to restore legitimacy to baseball’s hallowed records, had tested positive for steroids in 2003.

The gut reaction was joy. I went through all the signs I could make when I go to see the Sox and Yankees at Fenway in April. “A-Roid” was my favorite, “Material Roid” and “Like A Syringe, Hitting for the Very First Time” were another couple of my timely classics. I high fived some friends and texted my fellow Sox fans, but then the truth settled in, if Rodriguez was guilty, then everyone was guilty. Continue reading Eat My Sports: No free passes

Puppy Gitmo is shut down

A woman faces arrest in Mount Vernon, Washington for failure to show up in court for the cruel abuse of four dogs. The other 439 policed seized from her property are apparently OK.

This story answers several questions:

  • The state of Washington is intentionally trying to confuse people by naming its landmarks after ones in the DC area.
  • Crazy dog-ladies do have favorites.

But then it raises others:

  • How bad were those dogs that they were able to single themselves out from 439 of their peers?
  • Is it cruelty if those dogs had information about the other 439’s terrierist connections?

History will judge this woman.

iBooze

For those of you out there smart enough to get the iPhone (just give in McBournie), you can now download an app that locates your favorite booze by brand recognition. So let’s say you’re hanging out with The Guys and you want some Jack Daniel’s, three out of the four of us can show you where the whiskey is located, and how to get to the store. Why would we do this? Because we’re dedicated journalists.

Oh Steve Jobs, you had us at “hello.”

Wouldn’t the summer be a better time?

Switzerland. It’s home for many things: cheese, chocolate, bank accounts to mercenaries all over the world, and now, naked hiking.

Yes, hiking in the Swiss canton of Appenzell-Innerrhoden in the buff has apparently become all the rage, and like all rages, the local constabulary aim to put an end to it. NOW. Individuals that take nude constitutionals better carry a little green on them, as police are now facing on the spot fines if caught*.

This blogger just raises one small question: wouldn’t it be more preferable to hike naked in Switzerland during the spring or summer?

*This is different from a bribe, as it usually costs more. Smart hikers are advised to carry enough cash for both on them, just in case.

Did Osama hit the glass ceiling?

Let’s face it, this has not been the greatest decade overall, especially if you live in a cave. Then again, if you live in a cave, you’ve probably made a wrong choice or two in your lifetime. You know who made a wrong choice in his life? Osama bin Laden.

Yes, when he chose to run away from home, shun his step father’s wealth and make it on his own, he made a mistake. Maybe he wasn’t hugged enough, maybe he was having trouble getting used to a new house. (“You’re not my real dad, I declare a jihad on you!”) If he had never done that, perhaps his life would have been completely different. We may never know for certain.

What we do know is this: bin Laden will not be working as caretaker of Hamilton Island in Australia’s Great Barrier Reef. His application for the position was one of thousands. In it, he bragged of his familiarity with sandy places and experience with “large scale event coordination.” He even sent in the required video with his application.

But at last, bin Laden, you have been punished for the many bad life choices. No beach job for you!