Day: February 16, 2009

The McBournie Minute: Desire smells like that to some people

Was your Valentine’s Day a little lacking? Are you just not happy with the tie you got this year? It’s time to return your cheap-o gift and get something you really want-body spray that smells like a burger from Burger King.

That’s right, with Flame, the new scent from BK, you can now make her mouth water just by walking into the room–bet that stopped happening after a month or so. Best of all, you can have it your way.

This got me thinking, what kinds of things would I like a woman to smell like? Clearly, they have never consulted us on this matter, because everything they wear smells like potpourri and aftershave. On top of that they wear deodorant that claims to have the power of platinum, which is one of the weakest metals known. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Desire smells like that to some people

In water, no one can hear you say ‘glub’

Following last week’s satellite collision (prompting a new category), Ye Olde Wyrlde tried to catch up with us trendy, zippy space-faring nations.

A British nuclear submarine and a French one collided in the North Atlantic. There were no injuries, no trans-oceanic debris collides and no potential risk to other underwater things according to official reports.

In fact, the only aspect remotely related to the awesome satellite collision is that it occurred between two formally bitter rivals. The British and the French have fought several wars throughout history, including one that lasted at least one hundred years, but that war’s name escapes us.

(You want history? If it ain’t Nazis or Confederates, buy a library.)

Could this be the beginning of a new French and Indian War? The Iroquis Confederation has not returned our calls for comment.

Facebook wants your grandmama

Ew. EW. EWWWWWWW!

Okay, so they also want Mom, Dad, second Mom, second Dad, your aunt, your uncle and the whole kitten caboodle. But still! I don’t even think either of my grandmothers know how to use a computer.

In a recent interview, Gareth Davis, program manager for games in Facebook’s platform marketing division, had a lot to say about their burgeoning social network/”gaming platform.” According to Davis, the network has accrued more than 5,000 games since opening up their platform in 2007, and those games are coming from small fish and enormous whales alike. He said the player demographics are changing as well.

“Our fastest growing demographic now is over 30,” said Davis. “Now it’s grandparents playing games with grandchildren. You don’t see that anywhere else.”

When asked if Facebook will become crowded with so many games that developer’s games won’t be seen, Davis remains confident in his medium:

“The [past] retail model meant there were 200 slots in a store. With the Internet, there can be infinite games. There can be successful niches. The cost of distribution is virtually zero. You can have a successful business with 300,000 users. You can make targeted applications that you could not do in a retail store.”

Oh joy. Now I get to look forward to getting Facebook friend invites from distant relatives. How wonderful. And the legion of application invites as well? I’m going to kill myself.

Where does he get those wonderful toys?

In our continuing support of Apple and compulsive gamblers alike, we would like to let our Las Vegas followers be warned: Vegas is now on-to an application for the iPhone that helps blackjack players count cards.

There has been no headway still on an application that helps gamers pick up women, though.

Snow, ice, costumes a recipe for disaster

We all know that winter is a dangerous time of year. That’s why we have snow tires. But did you know that going down a hill at a rate of speed you can’t control can also be dangerous? It sounds crazy, but it’s true.

That realization hit the National Toboggan Championships in Maine last year. A horrific crash sent people to the hospital. But this year, they had safety in mind. Now there is an arm that keeps sleds from going down until another sled at the bottom has cleared the way. Phew!

Now, how exactly does one “win” at this?