MasterChugs Theater: ‘Road Trip’

It’s rare when a movie prods and reshapes the culture, but in 1978, the slovenly frat boy hijinks of National Lampoon’s Animal House did just that. Food fights, peekaboo nudity, ”boogie till you puke” toga parties: overnight, the movie put a generation in touch with its yearning for salacious slob liberation. It was the real kickoff, three years before MTV, of Spring Break as a state of mind.

It was also the launch-pad, of course, for a thousand crudely raunchy imitators — the gross-out exploitation comedies of the 80s, like Gorp and Private School and the box office smash Porky’s (which was essentially Animal House with less wit, more breasts and 58% more rednecks). Most of these pictures were junk, yet they had one thing going for them: an internal Enemy. They helped set the tone for a world in which piggy excess was cool and responsibility and good taste were to be attacked and destroyed.

Back then, no one could have guessed that the grade-Z Animal House clones would one day be remembered as hip, dumb touchstones and fondly recycled in movies like American Pie and the clever, shallow, genially vulgar Road Trip. The new models, if anything, are superior to the old–smartly paced studio machines stocked with gifted young actors who love to clown. They also let women in on the action, allowing them to be sharp-tongued characters and not just hot-bod pinups with movable parts.

What these movies don’t have–can’t have–is the genuine, roguish kick that comes from slaying an Enemy. Spring Break anarchy, after all, is no longer a rowdy, rock & roll stance, it’s the status quo, and good taste is but a distant memory. Road Trip, which, like Animal House, was produced by Ivan Reitman, celebrates the triumph of hedonistic righteousness in a world where it already rules. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Road Trip’

Sense of humor > sense of dignity

Muntadher al-Zaidi, the Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes at George Bush and spurred some of the greatest animated GIFs in Internet history, explained in court why he did it: “the former American leader’s ‘bloodless and soulless smile’ and his joking banter provoked him.”

Get it?!

Soulless” … “sole-less” … Shoes have soles. Bush’s smile need a airborne-helping of sole.

Also, had the shoe hit his lip, it would have bloodied his smile, too. It’s a pun about how Iraq needs more blood donors. Very highbrow and socially-conscious, like a Victor Borge performance.

How To: Score a million dollars

  1. Get super extremely drunk.
  2. Fall down onto an oncoming subway train’s path and lose a leg.
  3. ??????
  4. Profit.

Well, or something like that. Dustin Dibble, newly made cripple (what’s the PC term for that? “bi-crus challenged?”) was walking home, stinking drunk from having a night out with his friends, when he falls down … onto a subway track … with a subway train bearing right down … over his right leg.

Whoops.

Despite being so hammered that he doesn’t actually remember the event happening, he was still awarded over 2.3 million dollars in a lawsuit against the NYC Transit. Surprisingly enough, there’s been no mention of how far away the train was when Dibble fell down. Dibble’s defense case in court:

“It was just an accident [but] it wasn’t my choice to lose my leg,”

Which is commendable, mind you. It’s so good to see that getting piss drunk and falling into the path of an oncoming subway train hasn’t dampened his inability to take responsibility for his actions. Well done, sir. Well done.

So I said, ‘You can keep the gun, but lose the monkey!’

Nationally-syndicated columnist Roland S. Martin is upset A good portion of America can’t say enough about an editorial cartoon in The New York Post. Many believe that it refers to President Barack Obama as a chimp.

The cartoonist, Sean Delonas, and the Post disagree with accusations of racism. They believe it’s a tongue-in-cheek reference to yesterday’s news story about police shooting a chimpanzee (hilarious, by the way, because they die just like people) … and the economic stimulus package.

Yeah, here is The Guys’ take on this situation and any others in the future:

Two out of three Elaine Beneses agree.

Hippies are losing the war for us, as usual

It seems simple, really: we trash the environment, we trash the very habitat that our enemies call home. When our beastly foes have nowhere to hide, we can kill them off more easily. That’s just how total war works. We all know that is General William T. Sherman were alive today, he would to the same thing.

But today, another kind of march to the sea is needed. Though it may be winter here, in Australia, it’s summer (toilets also flow backwards, it’s like Bizarro America). Summertime means more people at the beach, which also means an increase in shark attacks.

Surprisingly enough, the reason for the shark attacks is not just that animals are out to get us, but that the sharks are going toward cleaner waters, brought to you by those animal-loving hippie pinko environmentalists and their new laws. It sounds like it’s time for a little civil disobedience, doesn’t it?