Take it from Snee: Turn it down, turn it off, burn down the station

There Is No Rock Music In Huntsville, Alabama: Part I

There are two groups of people I hate in this world: the Olson Twins — for refusing to answer my very polite, well-written request for a pair of each of their panties — and Lynyrd Skynyrd.

In my defense for the Olsen panties incident, it wasn’t perverted. The two-pack I bought from their fashion line at Wal-Mart did not survive a hiking trip. But this column is not about that.

No, this is about a band that I moderately liked once … before moving to Alabama.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: Turn it down, turn it off, burn down the station

Scientists cocky about emerging intragalactic war

Scientists all over the Earth hypothesize and are conducting experiments to find life elsewhere in the galaxy; that we knew already.

What we didn’t already know is that several of them believe that it is entirely possible that there is life elsewhere in our own corner of the Milky Way galaxy, and that some of it might be intelligent.

Using a computer model, one group has recreated our galaxy and then studied how life may have started and evolved. Even by introducing species-ending disasters like asteroids and McDonald’s, at least 361 intelligent species evolved anyway.

So, our counteroffensive in the War on Aliens might just be closer than we expected. Set your probes for “violate,” and let’s move out!

The company wants its money back

Normal people losing money, that’s one thing. You can almost set your watch to it, truth told. But a big corporate company losing a bunch of money inadvertently? That’s not just odd — that’s real.

Oh, and they’d like the money back. KTHNXBYE=).

Unceremoniously (but, sadly, not out of the norm in these current times), Microsoft laid off 1400 employees. 25 of those unfortunate few became fortunate, as they were apparently overpaid in their severance packages. Score! Woo-hoo! Bonus! Take that, big business!

AHEM. Done yet? Because Microsoft would very much like amount returned them in one monetary form or another. A letter from the House that Bill Built to the employees stated:

“We ask that you repay the overpayment and sincerely apologize for any inconvenience to you,”

Said letter then made its way onto the intarwubs. Much lamenting ensued. Also, photos of kittens. So, is there a happy ending to the story?

Actually, yes, there is a happy ending. Lisa Brummel, Microsoft’s senior vice president for human resources, called most of the 25 employees, telling them they could keep the money.

“I decided it didn’t quite feel right.”

That’s kind of her and the company. I mean, it’s not like making the employees pay back the money wouldn’t have been a total marketing nightmare in this day and age. A much imagined monolithic company (once investigated for holding a monopoly) forcing a bunch of laid off former employees to pay back a screw-up on the company’s fault? Nope, no way, no how, no problem at all with that marketing image at all.

Within beershot

The biggest beer bust Brunei’s border bobbie’s have ever seen brought in 1,382 cans of illegally smuggled beer. (That’s an even almightier alliteration, Rick. Your move.) The two men were arrested after trying to sneak in the booze into a booze-free zone.

All we have to say is that if the police dumped out the beer, that is the biggest party foul since Prohibition.

You have allergies? Screw you!

USA Today has some startling news about the American workplace: more and more offices are becoming pet-friendly. Yes, some companies are allowing their employees to bring in their dogs to work. No wonder we’re in a recession, our workforce is too busy cleaning up poop to get anything done.

The clear danger here is that we’re letting our indentured animal servants into the office to see how we operate. You know that they will find a way to get information back to the animal high command about our operations, just like how one Confederate President Jefferson Davis’ slaves ran away and became a Union informant during the Civil War.

Great, now not only do we have to fear our coworkers coming in and shooting up the place, now we have to worry about their pets, too.