Day: February 27, 2009

You Missed It: Just stopping by to say hello edition

Some believe in Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), the medical theory that if one does not get enough sunlight, particularly for long periods of time like in the winter, you get depressed and/or irritable. Here we are at the end of February and you know what? I say screw you, SAD, I don’t believe in you! If you were busy winning an Academy Award this week, odds are you missed it.

And the Dow responded with a huge drop
On Tuesday night, President Barack Obama, addressed a joint meeting of Congress. It wasn’t a State of the Union address, the new president just hates Scrubs and everyone who watches it. In any case, during his speech, Obama laid out his plan for economic recovery, which includes not raising taxes for the vast majority of the country, and increased federal funding for projects. Also announced: federally mandated casual Fridays in offices across the U.S.

Brady earns another ring
New England Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady got married this week. (Sorry, Schools!) Brady and Brazilian model Gisele Bunchen were married in a small ceremony in California. Bunchen’s dogs were present for the ceremony, however, Brady’s kid was not. According to reports, Brady, seeing no passing lanes, sprinted down the aisle and slid before contact could be made.

It’s like Nick is coming right at me!
Have you been eagerly anticipating the Jonas Brothers’ movie? I know Chugs has. Jonas Brothers: 3D Concert Experience is now out in theaters today. According to reviews, it’s, well, the Jonas Brothers, in concert, and in 3D. So yeah, Disney did a good job naming this one. However, there is one big hole, you can get a 3D Jonas Brothers concert experience by going to one of their concerts.

UPDATE: Holocaust denier denied for denying to undeny

Bishop Richard Williamson, who was the topic of a Take it from Snee on February 11, was denied getting his parish back by the Pope. This announcement from the Vatican comes after a half-hearted online apology by Williamson, saying he was sorry his comments, which denied the scale of the Holocaust, caused “distress.”

So, while now-normal-person Williamson has a shot at heaven again (with really long odds), he has lost his job because he was unable to reconcile half of the History Channel’s stock footage with some crackpot theory he heard in the 1980s.

And, really, in this economy? That’s punishment.

Let this be a lesson to us all: sometimes, you’re an idiot and better off admitting it.

Invisible light beams are the deadliest beams of all

A man, looking to collect on a debt, broke into the house of 60-year-old woman in Brazil’s Federal District, holding her hostage for ten hours on the business end of a Sega Light Phaser.

Let’s repeat that: a man, looking to collect on a debt, broke into the house of 60-year-old woman in Brazil’s Federal District, holding her hostage for ten hours on the business end of a Sega Light Phaser.

Not the Sega Genesis Menacer, which — when fully combined — looks vaguely like a Nerf gun meets bazooka, but the Sega Master System’s Light Phaser. A 22 year old plastic gun that looked like a weapon out of Laser Challenge. You want to know what the business end of a Light Phaser is? Air.

Luckily, the man let his hostage go, unharmed, after negotiating with police (and displaying a pair of deadly but totally lame for carving a chicken knives). Of course, this was only after he beat the high score.

FYI, you might have to use Google Translator to read the page.

Lazy Facebook developers let users write service agreement

If you’re tired of deleting Facebook notices about the latest “Crotchpunch War” from your inbox, then get ready for more spam … from the administrators.

In response to whiny users worried about not owning their Sex in the City quiz results, Facebook has caved, posting all service agreement changes on their site. This will most likely be at the top of your news feed every time Mark Zuckerberg’s lawyer finds more ways to bleed an aging Web site dry.

If the proposed change receives 7,000 comments (“protest” groups don’t count), then the measure will be put to a vote. 30 percent of all users (or about 53 million people) must vote to affect the change. The AP story does not mention what happens in the event of a tie, but we’d like to think it involves counting friends.

So, if that’s the way it’s gonna be now — since Facebook admins are too scared to run their own site — The Guys have a few new service agreement terms we’d like to see:

  1. Please allow breastfeeding pictures. Motherhood is so hot.
  2. Allow us to carry our concealed weapons while using Facebook. The Internet’s a scary place, is all.
  3. If a werewolf user bites a vampire user, we want that user to die. The real vampire vs. werewolf war should be depicted seriously, for it is a serious subject. If bitten, no more profile; they’re dead to Facebook. They can go to MySpace for all we care. And no, they can’t come back as a zombie. Them’s the occult rules.

Dropping a deuce may cost you more than a few pennies

We here at SG find bowel movements hillarious. Even the sounds that accompany them make for the best comedy. We also believe in your right to release those movements at any given time.

We all know that everybody poops, but according to Ryanair, everybody may no longer be pooping for free. The British airliner may start charging people who use the latrine for more than the mile-high club. So now when you come out and say you lost a few pounds, you may actually mean it.

The World War II on Animals

World War II is easily the coolest war ever. Because we were fighting against absolute evil, there is none of that revisionist history that makes us look like we did anything wrong. (Take that, interment camps!) Not only did we defeat the Nazis and the Japanese while setting the stage for 50 years of the Cold War, but our brave boys helped out the later generations, too.

Unexploded bombs lie on the ocean floor, scatted across the world, threatening marine life constantly. U.S. Navy training sites have left the sunken munitions ready to go off, or at least leak some poisons into the water. And what’s more, since World War II was the last real naval war, sunken ships do the same thing!

Tom Brokaw was right. They really are the Greatest Generation.