Day: March 5, 2009

How To: Attend a movie premier

Chugs is on leave this week for a death in his family. MasterChugs Theater will return when he’s ready to come back.

The Watchmen premieres in select theaters at midnight, Friday.

Drink that in for a second. SeriouslyGuys, a Web site that, for the past three years, has only been interested in lining our own pockets and furthering our own agenda just gave notice of someone else’s work … in a non-plagiaristic sense.

This is the most anticipated movie premier since Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, and we all know how well that turned out. Still, while the movie owes us $9 apiece, the premier was a spectacle: a last throwback to whatever opera fans used to do when Mozart was still alive and farting Salieri tunes.

This film, really, is just a reason to get together with like-minded folks. The lynch mob clamoring for the director’s blood afterwards is merely a coincidence.

In any case, it’s important to be prepared for what may be the defining moment of your life (and let’s face it: this might be). That’s why The Guys — except McBournie, who frowns on your shenanigans — are teaching you how to attend a movie premier. Continue reading How To: Attend a movie premier

Schadenfreude fuels sports

We are in the midst of the annual sports dark ages. Football is over, though they keep trying to push that back further and further. Baseball has only just started. Hockey is still hockey: the soundtrack for drinking LeBatt Blue.

What is a sports fan to do when the only big stories on ESPN are trade moves and novelty plastic bowling ball tournaments? What will wake you up in the morning when there’s nothing in the paper for you but your horoscope?

Did we mention that Terrell Owens got fired again?

That’s right: the biggest overpaid media poison-pill got handed his pink slip by the Dallas Cowboys. At this point, his best chances for playing in the league are Oakland, who fills its stands with LARPing nerds, and Washington, who will — and it pains me to say this — overpay for any “name.”

(Although, they should know better about headcase wide receivers since Michael Westbrook.)

So, put on a pot of glorious Schadenfreude and pour one out to our homey, T.O. Maybe in this current economic climate, the self-appointed king of his universe might have to put his resume on Monster.com like the rest of us.

Mm, Schadenfreude: make it every morning’s shameful joy.

Pop! Goes the whiskey

What can’t college kids think of?

Inspired by people who sneak alcohol into movie theaters, Cary Silverman, a University of Missouri student, has bravely invented Pub Corn. Pub Corn is popped corn that resembles the taste of beer and Irish Cream currently, with a development for tequila in the works. Today we salute you Cary, for if you can’t drink alcohol all the time, you might as well be able to eat it.

Ah, the first bird of spring!

You can tell it’s spring in most of the country, we seem to be in the midst of a rash of stories about the War on Animals. Truthfully, it still sucks like winter for most of us on the East Coast, but hopefully that is only serving to kill off Punxsutawney Phil and his compatriots.

A truck driver nobly tried to kill an eagle with his vehicle this week, but the enemy was hardier than he imagined. Matthew Roberto Gonzalez of Florida was driving in Nevada when he spotted the target. The eagle crashed through the windshield of the truck and survived more or less unscathed. It then proceeded to criticize Gonzalez’s driving and choice of music.

Nice try, Gonzalez, next time hit ’em with your grill.