MasterChugs Theater: ‘Role Models’

We’re changing the format a little this month for MasterChugs Theater. It’s been a tradition to use March as the month in which we look over the truly horrible of the cinematic bombs, mainly to celebrate the birthdays of both my mom and my younger brother. Not so much this year. Instead, prepare for Awful April, a truly audacious lunar period. In the meantime, get ready for this guy’s review of Role Models. Rather than review Watchmen (which I’ll do next week), take a look at a movie that comes out on DVD this past Tuesday and was easily the funniest movie of 2008.

The misconception about guy comedies is that they’re all about boobs and male bonding and dudes making bongs out of Sprite cans. The best ones in recent years have possessed a sensitive side that’s almost as strong as films from the other side of the cinematic spectrum. (Which would be Nicholas Sparks dramas? Or Lifetime channel movies?)

Heroes of guy comedies might have multiple sexual conquests and celebrate insensitive behavior, but, in the end, romance, responsibility and a pursuit of monogamy usually prevails. The movie doesn’t work if the men in the audience don’t feel OK about going home to their girlfriends and wives when the final credits stop rolling. When it comes to comedy, the comedic timing this film has, coupled with its ability to bump up just against the edge of over-the-top, is what makes it a hit. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Role Models’

Big business-as-usual sullies tallest U.S. building

Ladies and gentlemen, we cannot go any further with this story until you are seated and firmly gripping your stress balls.

Are you prepared to be distressed? We warned you.

Global insurance broker, Willis Group Holdings, is forcing the Sears Tower to change its name to Willis Tower. They plan to lease mulitple floors in the building, and the name change is part of their corporate hostile takeover demands.

How dare they? What makes these business-types think we want to see a corporate logo on every historic landmark?

It’s bad enough that these companies have slathered their monikers on every sports arena, but what’s next? Is Mrs. Fields going to move the headquarters of her mall cookie franchise into the Statue of Liberty and force us to call it the Statue of Mrs. Fields?

(You like it, you really like it.)

No. We, The Guys, refuse to play ball. It will always be called the Sears Tower in our hearts and on this Web site, Wall Street blood money regardless. We’d like to think there’s a few things in this country that the highest dollar can’t buy.

They probably didn’t have IDs

Once again, the animals are out to get us, but this time it’s not just us they’re after, it’s our booze. A beer store in the Greensburg, Pennsylvania metropolitan area (the most populous city in the U.S.) was invaded recently by three deer.

The animals first subdued one worker, then finding the store devoid of customers/hostage, they began jumping around cases of beer, no doubt looking for their brand. The deer were visibly drunk, as you can see in the video. From the moment they step into the store, they are stumbling and sliding around.

If there’s one thing worse than an enemy, it’s an enemy with a drinking problem because he’s not a worthy adversary. And if there’s one thing worse than an enemy with a drinking problem, it’s one who tries to swipe your booze!

Camryn Manheim could not be reached for comment

Plus-sized models of the world, gather forth: your new god is here!

In some sort of zany marketing stunt, the current reigning sumo champion, Asahoryu, went on stage at the Shibuya Girls Collection, joining in with the male and female models, showing off a junior high school uniform. A very big junior high school uniform. The whole stunt was part of a marketing campaign for Fanta, which currently stars Asahoryu.

“I felt a kind of tension that was new to me. The shrill voices were also impressive,” said Asahoryu.

That’s just all kinds of creepy.

It’s certainly an interesting marketing ploy, but it’s nothing too surprising for Japan. No matter how large of a celebrity you are, you’ll end up doing endless promotions and events for products. It must be how they make a good portion of their supplementary income. Plus, it’ll be a while before the next sumo championship, so he’s got to do something with his time. You know, other than eating.

A tragic ending to a fairytale relationship

We’ve got some sad news today. It seems that even with things thawing out in the hemisphere, hearts are not melting in Alaska. Yes, to the shock of the country, Bristol Palin and her fianc√©, Levi Johnston, have broken up. Even more disheartening is the fact that it apparently happened “weeks ago.” Hmmmm, wasn’t there some sort of romantic holiday a few weeks ago?

NO!!! It can’t be true! Please tell me Bristol and That Dude Who Knocked Her Up didn’t break up on Valentine’s Day!!!

It’s sad but true. The one-time political tool of the Republican party is no more. Their two-month-old symbol of hypocrisy at home, Tripp, however, remains ever present. In February, grandmother and Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin told FOX News’ Greta Van Susteren that the couple was doing fine and planned to get married after high school.

Wait, has nobody told mom yet? When you do, hide her guns.