Day: March 13, 2009

You Missed It: Sweeps week edition

Hey, guess what? It’s Friday. It’s finally here. Best of all, it’s the weekend before St. Patrick’s Day. That means it is officially time to go out and celebrate your Irish heritage. Even if you have none. Then again, it’s also Friday the 13th–again. So you may want to watch out for ladders you could potentially walk under. If you were busy watching stocks go up for a change, odds are you missed it.

Is the ‘mad’ in Mad Money for craziness or anger?
All week long (or at least it seemed that way), Jon Stewart and Jim Cramer were feuding on the television. It started off with a critical commentary Stewart had for CNBC pundit Rick Santelli and his comments about home owners. The home owners are stupid. No they’re not. Jim Cramer is a douche. Hey, I heard that! Cramer is still a douche. Joe Scarborough agrees I am not. Dora the Explorer swears. Cramer more or less apologizes and says he will be more investigative during an interview on The Daily Show. There, feudin’ over in just one paragraph!

Orbiting trash makes the Space Indian cry
The crew of the International Space Station had to rush to the escepe pod for about ten minutes because a piece of space debris (manmade, of course) was coming at them at several times the speed of a bullet. The object, not bigger than a pencil, passed with in three miles of the space station. How do we know? NASA tracks these things, thousands of them, actually. Wait a minute, they have an escape pod on that thing? Awesome, it’s like Space Balls!

Who doesn’t love the Dutch?
Last week, we talked briefly about how pointless the World Baseball Classic was. This week, it got a little interesting, because some crazy team from the Netherworld Nether region Netherlands beat the heavily favored Dominican team–twice, thus advancing them to the next round. Pedro Cerrano sacrificed a chicken before the games, but it did him no good.

‘E-cigs’ ineffective at detering oral fixations

The U.S. Food and Drug Association — that’s “United States” and FDA, respectively — has expressed doubts about claims by the distributor of E-cigs. E-cigs are, of course, electronic cigarettes that Elicko Taieb believes will replace tobacco smoke as a safe, cancer-free alternative.

The FDA is concerned because e-smokers (sigh) are inhaling pure nicotine, which may not cause cancer. Unfortunately, the product has not been rigidly tested to back Taieb’s claims in U.S. marketting.

No matter if they’re cancerless or not, they still will do nothig to deter the world’s ridiculous oral fixations. We’ve made this argument about cigarettes, thumbs, pen caps and penises: you don’t know where they’ve been, get them out of your mouth.

Leave it to a European to not only contribute to the problem, but make it more addictive with nicotine.

And there was much Ran Ran Ruu-ing

War Journal, Entry 3456:

“We finally found the body of Colonel Sanders. Well, at least, most of it. He was in Japan. It wasn’t pretty. The cause of death? Drowning. Three-legged chicken breasts were served at the funeral.”

The Colonel ended up at the bottom of the river in 1985, when delirious Hanshin Tigers fans celebrating the team’s first Central League title in 21 years decided the figure bore a striking resemblance to Tigers slugger Randy Bass and, lifting it off its base in front of the Dotonbori Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise, gave the Colonel a victory toss.

It just goes to show that that no matter where you’re from, when your team wins, you gotta trash something.

Sleeping with the goldfishes

When you run a pet store, you expect order, receive and sell animals. This is a slave trade the Guys wholeheartedly agree with. But when you order some fish, you generally expect to receive some fish.

A pet store in Pennsylvania instead receive a message from the animal kingdom in the form of a human corpse. Rather than getting the fish the store ordered, instead they got the body of a 65-year-old San Diego man who the mainstream media would have you believe died of Alzheimer’s disease, but we know better.

US Airways said the delivery was a mix-up in the shipment of cargo. The body was supposed to go to a lab in Allentown, Pennsylvania. The good news is the fish did not end up getting shipped anywhere, and probably died at the airport.

(Via The Consumerist)

Whitney and Bobby 2.0

Roughly a little over a month after Chris Brown beat Rihanna for making that damn “Umbrella” song finding a text message from an ex-girlfriend, the two are back together. Brown, most famous for making me want to kill myself with his awful gum commercials, was in an L.A. studio with Polow Da Don and Rihanna recording a to-be-released duet.

Since both are fans of punishing us with their musical stylyings, the name of the song is yet to be released. Though it remains firm, that even despite having her face turned into Brown’s fifth hit single, Rihanna is standing by her fella, ella, ella.