Eat My Sports: Tournament time


Let’s start this all off by congratulating Radford University. That’s right, folks: our alma mater is in the big dance for the second time in school history and their first appearance since 1998. Our starting lineup was suspended for academic reasons for most of The Guys’ time there, so this whole playing-into-late-March-thing is kind of new to us.

So, here’s to you, RU: you’re in the dance for the first time since the Goo Goo Dolls were still famous, and you’re probably going to get pounded by UNC. Represent us well; the game will be a blur ’cause UNC is fast, and — like any red-blooded Highlander — you recognize your college time is short and started drinking at noon.

Like most people that will be skipping work on Thursday, I spent the better part of my Monday filling out my office (bar) bracket. My Final Four looked a lot different by the time I finished than I thought it would. Honestly, it was a little weird stomaching my choices at first, but in the end, like Stiffler eating the dog turd in American Wedding, I made my decision and knew it was the right one. Don’t be afraid to trust me; after all, I did predict Texas going all the way with Kevin Durant two years ago … Continue reading Eat My Sports: Tournament time

Schadenfreude: Like a bottle rocket in your cornhole

At this point, unless you’re in California, it’s the afternoon, and — if you’re reading this — you’re at work instead of celebrating St. Patrick’s Day in full frat-boy revelry.

It’s times like this that you begin to wonder, “Why didn’t I videotape the stupid stuff I did in college, make millions and not work here?” (Especially if you still have trouble sitting down in your rolly-chair.) “I could be a lazy damn jackass like Steve-O right now.”

Like who? Oh, you mean the guy who injured his back rehearsing for Dancing with the Stars, the most ironically-named show for Hollywood has-beens on television?

That’s right. Not only was Steve-O trying to revive his nutwrenching career with the over-30 couch potato demographic, but he injured his back doing it and might be cut from the show. At least he can console himself with his huge tattoo … of himself.

Mm, Schadenfreude: make it every morning’s afternoon’s shameful joy.

It’s hard out here for a gimp

We’ve all been affected by the economy in one form or another. Heck, the world itself has been affected by this money crunch.

And no one has been hit harder than the French sex toy industry.

No one.

Massage oils, edible underwear, high heeled shoes and “neck massagers” have all seen slumping sales in Gay Paris. People seem to be very scared to spend their money, especially lonely housewives. Many vendors were used to being beneficiaries of the “Checkout Line Phenomena”, in that when someone would visit them to buy one product, they’d usually end up impulsively buying two or three. Now? It’s only that single pleasure pal. Instead, people seem to be going back to basics (so to speak) for their behind-closed-doors-enjoyment.

Perhaps we at Seriously Guys would like to debut a new category: “Sex doesn’t sell.”

Misleading headline of the day

You know, when you see a headline that reads “Wild turkey sends Maine motorcyclist to hospital,” you’re expecting another Booze News story. In this case however, an actual wild turkey was the cause of a crash. Silly for us to even think that it was the whiskey, when we all know that whiskey has never caused any problems or serious accidents.

This folks, means the animals can read and are trying to fool us into thinking that booze is the cause of our problems, and not these uncooked Thanksgiving dinners.

SG newspaper death pool now open

Today we lose another valued member of the newspaper society. As many of you have no doubt heard by now, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer (whose name seems a cruel joke about telling you news well after the fact) sells its final print edition today, after more than a century of service.

The P-I, as it is called, is switching to an online-only format and is the first U.S. newspaper to do so. The newspaper is not the first to go under in the recession, and countless more newspapers are teetering on the edge. It’s an inevitable drop that we have all seen coming for 20 years. And while we all are sad, it’s all our faults because we are the ones who stopped buying newspapers. Sure, they have steadily decreased in quality for years and get ink all over your hands, it’s our job as a society to buy these newspapers and support our journalists’ drinking habits.

On another sad note, it is my sad duty to announce that after today, the print version of SeriouslyGuys will no longer be available. We are switching to a Web-only format and experimenting with this whole “blog” fad that seems to be hip with the kids these days. You will be able to find us at