Day: March 25, 2009

Take it from Snee: Stop being retarded

OK, so some people are up in arms about President Barack Obama (as opposed to President of the Obama Spaghetti Co., Greg Obama) comparing his bowling to the performance one would expect at the Special Olympics.

It’s not the best idea to make fun of Special Athletes. I mean, they’re funny, but not in a mean way; more funny in an affirmation-of-life way, like Life Is Beautiful.

So, I’m not going to defend Obama’s comment. This is precisely why it’s retarded for a sitting POTUS to appear on Leno.

Uh-oh. Looks like I said a bad word: “retarded.”

Contrary to what the Special Olympics Committee and others will tell you, it’s not. Strap those helmets on a little tighter, tards, because we’re about to explore the r-word. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Stop being retarded

Uh-oh

Obviously, we here at SG, are guys. It’s in the name, don’t question it. We have never been ones to say that we understand our counterparts in females, in fact, we agree that Doc Brown should have abandoned the time machine in order to figure them out.

However, in this story, women get even weirder to us. In a poll for Oxygen, 25 percent of the women polled would rather have won “America’s Next Top Model” than the Nobel Peace Prize. And you thought this guy had us heading for disaster …

Everyone gets one

We make fun of a lot of things here at SG: the crazy parts of Japan, New Jersey, Germans, celebrities, just lots of things in general. But one thing we don’t make fun of are heroes.

No sir.

Unless they dress up to save people. Then they’re just weird. Or cosplayers.

Kind of like Sonchai Yoosabai. He dressed up like Spider-Man in order to coax an autistic student back into a building and off of a bridge. This is not unusual for the firemen of Thailand.

“Somchai said he keeps the Spider-Man costume and an outfit of Japanese television character Ultraman at the station in order to liven up school fire drills.”

Sounds like a lot of commitment to live up to. Not to mention possible copyright infringement. Hey Sonchai, can we at SG recommend that you educate kids with the rousing adventures of “Arachno-Dude” and “Fantastically Shiny Guy”?

He has a hairdo for radio

Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is back! And by back, we mean on the radio! (No word on how many Nickelback songs he plays every hour on the hour.)

Blagojevich went to the airways in Chicago, flippin’ wax and playin’ tracks and criticizing the current governor for supporting a state income tax increase. The new governor, Pat Quinn, took over after Blagojevich got caught up in the home game version of Payolla.

While the show was reportedly a mixed success according to bored people who listen to disgraced politicos on the radio, Blagojevich is reportedly anxious to find sponsors:

“It’s a ####ing valuable thing — thing. You just don’t give it away for nothing,” Blagojevich said.

“I’ve got this thing, and it’s ####ing golden. And I’m just not giving it up for ####ing nothing. I’m not going to do it, and I can always use it; I can parachute me there.”

Drunken monkeys

Scientists would have you believe that we evolved from what appear to be apes. We all know this is wrong. If evolution were real, how come we aren’t all hairy and poop-flinging? Another case science will point to is booze. That’s right, booze.

In central Africa, a gorilla was found sucking on bamboo shots shoots that contained some kind of alcohol. Because it’s bamboo, we assume it was sake in there. In any case, gorillas seem to like getting drunk now. We can only assume it’s to dull the pain of knowing your days are numbered.

“Some were propping up the bar with a bleary air, while others staggered to their feet obviously hoping the mountain police would not ask them to walk in a straight line.”