Day: April 17, 2009

You Missed It: Send more crumpets edition

Got any plans for the weekend? Really? Oh, that sounds cool, have a good time with that. Me? No, I’m laying low this weekend. I celebrated You Missed It’s first birthday a little too much last weekend, if you know what I mean. Time to recover. Phew! If you were busy challenging Larry King to a Twitter follower war this week, odds are you missed it.

Cramming a protest down leaders’ throats
More than 200 years ago, Samuel Adams and the Sons of Liberty threw boxes of tea overboard in protest of taxes levied by the British Parliament without any consultation of the colonies. On April 15, tax day, conservatives recreated the event across the country, protesting taxes that are approved by people they voted to represent them, which is clearly unfair in principle. Protesters threw tea around and even mailed tea bags to their elected officials. They even called themselves teabaggers. I am still struggling to find a comedic angle to this one.

Voice lovely, face, not so much
It’s the kind of story you expect from a hokey romantic comedy, as if there was any other kind. Practically overnight, Susan Boyle, 47, has become a sensation in much of the civilized world. The Scottish woman appeared on Britain’s Got Talent, and wowed judges when she sang “I Dreamed A Dream.” Boyle says she has never been kissed, mostly because shes not really attractive. Wait a minute, she’s Scottish? Shouldn’t she be on Scotland’s Got Talent?

I used to love her, but I had to kill her
In an interview with The Rolling Stone, Hulk Hogan said, “I totally understand O.J.,” and who can blame him? “I could have turned everything into a crime scene like O.J., cutting everybody’s throat,” Hogan said in the interview. We’ve all been there. We all get the Hulkamania and just want to take everyone down with us, brother. If I were Jake the Snake, I’d watch out.

There’s only so much Twitter for our egos

Having already destroyed the credibility of the New York Times Bestsellers List and the entire field of psychiatry would be enough for a normal human being. Oprah is no mere human being.

The reigning champ of daytime talk television — a huge feat considering competition like Maury Povich, Montel Williams and Judge Judy — has decided everyone else has had enough spotlight time on Twitter: it’s time to read to 140 characters of Harpo, girlfriend!

Up until recently, Twitter was the place for the non-Oprah-sized ego. You know, the kind of place where Felicia Day or even Wil Weaton is an A-list celebrity, not a woman who is featured on the cover of a magazine bearing her name every month.

To be honest, with Oprah’s self-importance joining the jacuzzi with Ashton Kutcher, we’re not sure how the site will manage to hold together.

Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have to tweet about our latest trip to the DMV.

JAPAN HATES EARTH PEOPLE

TROMP TROMP TROMP TROMP TROMP.

That’s not the sound of your greatest fantasies coming one step closer to becoming true. Think your worse nightmares instead.

A 60-year-old crazy scientist man has spent eleven years of his life creating a giant mecha beetle or, to be more specific, a giant mecha rhinoceros beetle. The “Kabutom RX-03” is an 11-meter long metal paperweight and weighs in at fifteen tons. It is controlled within the robots cockpit, but can also be controlled by remote, which is awkwardly named “Kabutom Ragio Controrea.”

This isn’t just a prop since it can move as well. It drags itself using its giant legs with help from the wheels located at the bottom of the beetle’s thorax. It can also hold up to six adults soldiers in its abdomen.

Based off of all the recent technological progress in robotics as of late and combined with this latest bit of news, I think we all know what this means: Japan has decided to become a traitor to the human race and team up with the animals. We must all band together and put a stop to this before your house is trampled over by a legion of these tanks when Japan invades America.

Big news

We here at SG love browsing this massive Internet thing. You can find almost anything, from up to date sports’ news, entertainment headlines, global politics and what chubby chasers actually deem “sexy.” Oh yes, you could say that we’re … well rounded. With that in mind, check out our headline of the day.

This shark tastes a bit rare to me

We talk a lot about how various places are failing to do their part, like say, Zimbabwe. But why don’t we instead focus on the good things. Let’s shift to what’s going right in this crazy, mixed up war.

Some Filipino fishermen caught something they had never seen before. But they did know one thing: it was a massive shark of some sort. So naturally they killed it and ate it. That’s what fishermen do. Turns out it was a rare species called the megamouth shark. Only a handful have ever been seen and the species was only discovered in 1976.

At this point, we have to give it up for the Philippines, they really know how to seek out, kill, and as a bonus, eat the rarest of enemies. It was only two months ago that we reported Worcester’s buttonquail, which had been thought to be extinct was found and eaten by our allies the Filipinos.

So to our Filipino friends, we here at SG salute you, and if there are any leftovers, send them our way.