Day: April 20, 2009

The McBournie Minute: Act like the media establishment you’re supposed to be

I’m a journalist in the real world. Professionally, I’ve been one for about three and a half years, before that, I had over four years in college and real world journalism experience–I just wasn’t getting paid anything you could live on. That being said, I hate television news media.

There’s nothing that gets me screaming at my TV than turning on CNN, FOX News or, yes, even MSNBC. I don’t think journalism is about looking good. I don’t believe you can get the story in frame and edited in time for your scheduled satellite uplink in the truck. I don’t believe flashy graphics and scare tactics are forms of information or public service. Most of all, I don’t believe the pundits do anything but tell you how you should think.

Nevertheless, it’s always hilarious to watch them copy each other. Over a year ago, CNN introduced iReport. For those of you unfamiliar, it lets you upload pictures, videos, and on occasion, text unedited for others to view and CNN to harvest when it needs something to kill some time. You don’t get paid, you don’t really get famous, but you do get something on the air. It sounds good in theory, but lately it’s devolved into something like YouTube, only with original content (OH SNAP!). Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Act like the media establishment you’re supposed to be

USA! USA! USA!

Here at SG, we typically write the jokes. It’s our job, and we’re positive that the rest of the Internet sucks at it. (Screw you, ComedyCentral.com.)

Today, we’re letting this article speak for itself:

“All I knew was that circumcision is something the U.S. does and Europe doesn’t and is therefore awesome. Our penises are clean and sleek and new like Frank Gehry skyscrapers, while theirs are crumbling, ancient edifices inhabited by fat old men in hats.”

Still not as cool as Mecha-Shiva

Dear Japan,

We know that you hate the rest of the world. That’s all fine and dandy. Nonetheless, stop trying to create robotic death machines in the shape of animals. Everyone knows that you’re totally teaming up with the animals in a bid to kill us all. Now you’re just totally refusing to even be subtle about it.

Sincerely,

The rest of the world.

So, we should expect Random Name 2010 instead?

Just last week, SG informed, thanks in no small part to an exclusive blog post, that John Madden was retiring. BAM! That was tough actin’ Ti-blog postin’. Well, hold on to your seats, faithful readers, as you might get exposed to some BAM!, tough actin’ Ti-litigation.

Fresh off a $28 million victory over their own union, a retired NFL player says his comrades are targeting John Madden and Electronic Arts for their roles in games using their likenesses without compensating them.

Readers might recall that more than 2,000 retired NFL players won a collective $28 million judgment against the National Football League Players Association, upheld in January. Their suit alleged that the union advised EA to “scramble” the players’ likenesses (numbers, heights, sometimes races, but not stats) in order to use them in historic team rosters without compensation.

Well, having beaten one end of that shady transaction – the union – it sounds like the players want blood money from the other end-no, not that end-that being the deep-pocketed EA and Madden himself. According to an interview on Dave Pear’s blog:

The retired NFL players who were used in Madden EA video games will be suing Madden and EA for using us in those games without compensating us. We probably will not use … the attorneys who obtained a $28.1 million verdict for us against the NFLPA for “scrambling retired players identities” in those video games. The jury found it a “grossly fraudulent” action taken so they wouldn’t have to pay the retired players. … In my opinion, Madden should have been included in our licensing suit against the NFLPA and so should EA.

Bernie Parrish, the former player being interviewed, asks the retirees, who are due some $13,000 each under the verdict, to set aside $1,000 for a legal fund to continue the pursuit. Because, you know, everyone just has a spare grand lying around for purposes like suing the pants off a union. I keep mine in a glass jar underneath my bed, despite the fact that I’ve never been a member of a union and don’t have any plans to sue former employers of mine.

…..

…..

…….please don’t rob me.

That will be a fun one to tell future dates

There have been a lot of shootings going on lately, we’ve noticed it, too. Mostly, we attribute it to the depressing feelings that come with spring and new life. Either that or it’s the allergy medicine.

But in Mississippi, one shooting defied the odds. A woman was shot in the head by her husband. We’re talking straight through the forehead and out the back of the skull. She then got up (her husband shot himself), made herself some tea and waited for police to show up.

We know you think we’re going to take the zombie angle with this, but you’re wrong. This woman is not a zombie because she was shot in the head. Everyone knows a zombie will stay down after a head shot. Also, zombies don’t drink tea.