BO: What makes you think I’m out of the office?
The The USA Today: Because if you were in your office, we’d be having this conversation face-to-face, Mr. President.
Day: April 21, 2009
‘When Shwag Attacks,’ tonight on FOX!
We’ve made our position very clear on this Web site: we do not tolerate pets. They’re either animals, which is fraternizing with the enemy, or rocks, which are stupid.
But what about Chia Pets? They’re plants, so they require water and loud metal music to thrive like humans, and they mock animals by growing luxurious manes that produce oxygen. Sounds good, right?
Unfortunately, Cha-cha-cha-Chia Pets are ra-ra-ra-racist.
In the modern debate over what symbols are racist when addressed at the first African-American serving as President of the United States, Walgreen’s has decided that it is not acceptable to grow a green ‘fro on Barack Obama’s head.
We’re waiting for ChiaObama.com to respond that “it wasn’t racist when liberals bought Mattel’s Barbie Magic Bush-trimming Boutique.”
(Courtesy of Jen S.)
It’s a golden age for the Elmer’s industry
Listen. Do you hear it? That wonderful sound whistling through the air? It’s the blessed sound of silence. But no, no lambs were involved. For today, we instead heard …
Which SeriouslyGuys would just like you to know that we had no involvement in whatsoever. You couldn’t prove it anyway.
Over twenty polo horses suddenly lost the will to live mere hours before they were set to race in Sunday’s polo match in Wellington, Florida. Coincidentally enough, the horses all came from a Venezuelan based team. We don’t know what you put in the water down there, Venezuela, but keep it up!
Mister Ed was asked to respond, but declined to comment. Sources say it may be due to a lack of readily available peanut butter.
Booze ain’t nothing but a number
Our friends abroad in France have conducted a new survey. And no, it has nothing to do with fancy wines or pastries. This study, is to show that even when men are hammered, ridiculously hammered, can still tell the difference between a girl that is 17, and one that is not.
The study was conducted due to some national laws that let guys off the hook for sex with a minor, depending on how drunk they were. However, there still is no study to help guys out with beer goggles.
In space, no one can hear your ramblings
Space, so we’re told, is a very peaceful. You have a nice view of the Earth, you get to go outside for a stroll, even some lucky few have walked on the moon. But they don’t talk about what happens to you when you go into space: you go crazy.
That’s right, it happens to a select few, but they get space dementia, which we all know is totally real. Case in point: Edgar Mitchell, a former astronaut best known for orbiting the moon on Apollo 14, said yesterday that UFOs are real and the U.S. government is covering them up.
Another former astronaut, Harrison Schmitt, who walked on the moon on Apollo 17, says that global warming is fake. He claims that science is being intimidated into supporting global warming because the scientists need their funding. Say, is this why no one really ever hears from Neil Armstrong?