Ask Dr. Snee: A weighty issue
Posted on May 8, 2009
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Dear Dr. Snee,
I hate summer. I hate buying swimsuits. What can I do to lose some weight in a matter of weeks?
–Newark, NJ
You know, I’ve received a few of these letters recently, and not just from women. Thanks to feminism, more women are working hard in Hollywood to pass their neuroses onto men.
As a doctor with no endorsements (WTF?!), let me first say that fad diets are a hoax. They don’t work. If they do work, they don’t work properly. They’re all temporary diets, so you’ll go back to eating from the horse trough just as you did before, gaining back all the weight and then some.
I subscribe a variety of techniques to my patients depending on their personality and degree of obesity. Feel free to try any of these and then call me the morning after you become hot. Read more
Written by Rick SneeA Hollywood pagan calendar update
Posted on May 8, 2009
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For those of you readers using the pagan calendar, it is officially time to burn down California again.
This is a four-month long ritual, during which time C- and D-grade celebrities and their unfortunate neighbors sacrifice their homes for a profitable blockbuster movie season.
We’ll see you in September when the Festival of New Television Episodes commences.
Written by Rick SneeGoing postal
Posted on May 8, 2009
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Ever wonder what it takes for your ugly mug to end up on a stamp? Well my friend, The Simpsons have wondered it and figured it out. No, not the murderous Simpsons, the yellow ones.
Written by Bryan SchoolsBearer of internet myth, defender of bakeries
Posted on May 8, 2009
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It’s one thing to protect a bakery. After all, they are full of delicious cupcakes and donuts.
What? Shut up. I have a sweet tooth problem.
Anyways, defending bakery is something we can all do. But defending a bakery simply by using a flat paper avatar of yourself? That’s only something Chuck Norris can do.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorOK, now he’s just teasing the prudes
Posted on May 8, 2009
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Gunther Von Hagens is at it again. You may know him by his previous touring exhibit of preserved skinless corpses in lifelike poses (“Body Works”).
His new exhibit in Berlin has upped the ante and now includes preserved remains of all ages — conception to bad naked — and tracks the life process … including corpse sex.
OK, “corpse sex” puts it in crude, juvenile terms. Really, it’s a male and female corpse going at it, reverse-cowgirl.
The Germans, world-famous for their moral restraint are outraged, but Von Hagens says it is part of the exhibit to explain conception. Oh, yeah, Gunther? Well, we happen to know that if the chick’s on top, she can’t get pregnant.
Nice try, Herr Pervert.
Written by Rick Snee