MasterChugs Theater: ‘Star Trek’
Posted on May 14, 2009
Filed Under MasterChugs Theater | Leave a Comment |
Star Trek feels like a movie motivated by fear. Fear of being too old, to slow, too out of touch. Fear of being too tied to what came before. Fear of irritating old fans. Fear of failing to bring in new ones. And so sometimes it overcompensates, moving too fast, jumping from point to point with barely a pause in between out of fear that its modern, energy drink influenced audience may at some point decide to get up and go to the bathroom. It invents unnecessary plot devices to excuse reinventing the Star Trek universe, just to preemptively shut up those fan-boys unhappy with the change in direction. Yet the irony here is that all of this fear was completely unfounded. This Star Trek works. This idea works. There was nothing to be afraid of and in fact, the whole thing would have only worked better had they simply sat back, relaxed and let things happen. This could have been a revelation, a reinvention of not only the Star Trek franchise but the entire science fiction genre. All the pieces are right there, if only director JJ Abrams and his team had trusted themselves, trusted the fans, trusted their audiences. They don’t, and the result is a movie that’s merely really good instead of genre-changing. Really good is, well really good. In fact I should probably stop kvetching.
This edition of the movie series is a lot of fun. It’s fresh, it’s exciting, it feels young as when the world was new. For the first time in a long time Star Trek truly feels futuristic. Abrams has successfully created an entire world to play around in, a bright and shiny world full of youthful optimism and blinking lights. It’s a Star Trek we’ve never really seen before, a Star Trek done with a monster, blockbuster budget. Abrams takes that world and lets his characters live in it. He doesn’t linger over it or treat it as if we’re seeing something awe-inspiring. This is simply the place where his story happens and within the first five minutes you know there’s a pretty good chance that by the time it’s over, he’ll have changed Star Trek forever and for the better. Read more
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorPip-pip Cheerio and all that jazz
Posted on May 14, 2009
Filed Under Headline of the Day, What a Reach! | Leave a Comment |
Between Cheerios claiming on the box that it cures heart disease and people claiming they’re under attack by President Obama, we’re starting to wonder when cereal became more than a container for free decoder rings.
Seriously? We’re worried about Cheerios?
What about Lucky Charms’ uncontested claim that they’re a magical part of a complete nutritious breakfast?
Or how about Frosted Flakes’ criminal lack of warning that too much of it before soccer results in on-field vomiting?
What? Just sayin’.
Written by Rick SneeYou stay classy, Wal-Mart
Posted on May 14, 2009
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |
Wal-Mart, the store you go to when you haven’t hated people enough for the week, has announced that they’re going to set aisles aside for $1 merchandise.
That’s right: the store filled with the most cheap crap and Bible-related self-help literature is going to highlight the cheapest crap as you walk inside.
As if we didn’t already wish we had better paying jobs when we walked in, here’s a shelf of off-brand tupperware that won’t survive a handwashing. And here’s a three-pack of end-of-the-season Peeps, you know, because you don’t want to pig out on a whole box, but you can’t say no to almost stale marshmallows.
Basically, this is the Wal-Mart’s most depressing move since they added health clinics to the front. Good thing they can prescripe Equate to my encephalitis! It beats the free clinic, but not by much.
So, good luck, Wal-Mart. Now we have one less reason to go to dollar stores for discontinued pharmacy toys.
Written by Rick SneePETA still doesn’t like video games
Posted on May 14, 2009
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals are at it again, shifting their sights from World of Warcraft to the virtual big top.
PETA launched a campaign to try and put a stop to Take-Two’s Wii game featuring Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, saying that the famed circus is “looking to take its cruelty to animals virtual.”
The species traitors terrorist group organization says that they’ve already told publisher Take-Two about Ringling Bros. “real life, lengthy history of animal abuse and neglect” and even shown them undercover video footage, but alas, to no avail.
So now PETA is asking people to send a message to Take-Two CEO Ben Feder asking him to sever ties with Ringling Bros. and telling them they would rather play a game featuring a circus that “does not beat animals for entertainment.”
PETA clearly knows not of our War on Animals. As such, they’ve never known the sweet pleasure of beating a virtual animal for enjoyment. Training is training, after all.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorUtah: Fun place to drink if you miss Prohibition
Posted on May 14, 2009
Filed Under Booze News | 2 Comments |
You might think ordering a drink at a bar through a pane of glass separating you and the bartender means you’re not in the safest of areas. You’d be wrong. You would have to instead worry if that woman you’re hitting one is one of some guy’s collection of wives.
Yes, in Utah a pane of glass at the bar kept patrons from those serving them booze. Instead, the bartenders would have to walk around the bar and come out to them to serve the drink. These “Zion curtains” are no more, at long last, the law has been repealed. But don’t get thinking drinking in Mormon country is fun yet.
New restaurants have to make drinks in a back room away from customers, because, you know, it’s much safer to drink something you didn’t see mixed, just like at a frat party. Also, you can’t get a drink unless you plan on ordering some food, too. Yes, that’s real.
Written by Bryan McBournie