Eat your heart out, animals!

We think of Canada as a bunch of wusses, but in reality, they are downright scary. Luckily for us, they are also our closest allies.

PETA (People for Egregious Treason and Animals) and other traitorous organizations have sharply criticized Canada for its annual seal hunt. The groups fail to see the reason baby seals must be killed. Perhaps they would better understand if a baby seal snuck into their house at night and dragged off their children. It happens in Canada all the time.

In an act of defiance to all critics, a Canadian official gutted a freshly-killed seal, pulled out its heart and ate it raw. If that’s not a clear message, this blog has no idea what is. The official was actually Governor General Michaelle Jean. A governor general is like the Queen’s representative to England’s territories, so basically it’s like Queen Elizabeth herself ate the heart. Good show!

The heart-eating was not just to make our enemies think that Canada is bats&$t insane, but it was a message that, and this is true, traditional seal hunting is indeed humane.

“After eating the heart during a stop in Nunavut’s Rankin Inlet, Jean wiped her blood-soaked fingers with a tissue.”