Day: May 29, 2009

You Missed It: Judicial reactivism edition

Kind of seems like Friday rolled around a little earlier this week, doesn’t it? Well, technically it did, since we were all off on Monday. However, that doesn’t mean there wasn’t news happening. OK, well that’s not technically true. It was a pretty dull week overall, but nonetheless, important things happened. If you were busy launching a new search engine this week, odds are you missed it.

¿Quien es mas racist?
President Barack Obama nominated federal appellate Judge Sonia Motomayor to replace retiring Justice David Souter for the U.S. Supreme Court. Sotomayor, who is both a woman and of Hispanic ethnicity, got flak from Republicans this week for being a racist pick. On top of that a statement she made a couple years ago where she said a Latina woman would be wiser making some decisions than a white man, has been labeled as racist itself. Yes, because who knows the plight of Hispanics in America better than a 60-year old white guy?

New term: Leno’brien!
Jay Leno steps down from the Tonight Show tonight, bringing an end to 17 years of comedic somethingerother and head bobbles. Conan O’Brien will be given the reins of the show in June. Leno’s not going anywhere though, he’s just moving up a time slot. And because he’s not going anywhere, he’s not getting any fanfare with his exit. So Jay, I personally would like to say goodbye and thank you for all you have done. Your aging audience will miss you, but they will be OK once they figure out they can watch you and go to sleep earlier.

Wait a minute, there’s no lecturing in this online course
National American University is suing porn site Naughty American University this week, for trademark violations, along with having the same acronym and a similar name. National American has been in existence since 1997 and has several campuses, Naught American has been around since 2003 and leads the academic world in sexual puns. In other news, I am no longer excited about starting with the NAU graduate program this fall.

The Bush speaketh

Former-president George Bush finally decided he had stayed out of public for long enough, venturing out to give a little speech at the Economic Club of Southwest Michigan.

In stark contrast from Cheney’s “I’m to old too old to go to prison” speech last week, Bush spoke about his decisions in the Oval Office (including torture briefly), adjusting to life in Dallas and picking up dog ####, which isn’t as macho as clearing sage. He summed up his hopeful epitaph with:

“‘The man showed up in the office with a set of principles, and he was unwilling to sacrifice his principles for the sake of popularity.'”

(Don’t worry, Mr. Bush. Your popularity was never in question.)

Confident words? Yes, but that’s because presidents don’t go to PMITA penitentiaries: that’s the VP’s only real duty.

Here today, gone tomorrow

Cancer takes a lot of things. People, hair, enjoyment in life … but we never stop to think about the cure. I mean, we love being able to beat cancer, but we never think of just what it takes to beat cancer.

Here’s what it takes to beat cancer: your fingerprints.

How do we know that? A man from Singapore was detained for four hours because no one could figure out who he was through technological ways (obvious ways, like vision, are a different story). Of course, they couldn’t figure out his identity because his cancer medication, capecitabine (also known as Xeloda in the United States), managed to erase his fingerprints from his body. His doctor is now recommending that all patients taking the medication now carry a doctor’s note to identify who they are and why they’re off the grid.

In other news, makers of overpriced machines that burn off your fingerprints in science fiction movies all suddenly jumped out of windows in tall buildings.

Buzz kill

Bees lulled us into a false sense of security over the past few years as scientists found they were mysteriously disappearing. Though there are fewer of them, they still pose a threat to civilization.

New York City was the target this time–a place we once thought of as a stronghold against animals, because we paved over their habitat. Sadly, even in New York, you’re not safe from bees. They took over a GameStop in one of the busiest shopping areas of the city. The bees won’t let us get out of this recession!

This story has a happy ending, however. The bees were rounded up and taken in for questioning.