Eat My Sports: Big Papi, at a curse-ory glance

Posted on June 9, 2009
Filed Under Eat My Sports | Leave a Comment |

It’s one of the big topics in baseball that everyone except for Red Sox fans, and the Red Sox themselves want to address. David Ortiz isn’t Big Papi anymore, and it appears to be more than just a slump, this problem just doesn’t seem fixable. But how? How does the man go from eating fastballs up then spitting them out over the Green Monster to being late on 89 mph fastballs? I’ll tell you why, and for Sox fans, it’s all too familiar, the man who basically broke the curse, is now cursed.

Don’t blame Ortiz, he didn’t do this to himself. It was done to him. 

In a conversation with Bryan McBournie last week during Boston’s 10-5 shlacking of Detroit, Ortiz got a two-run double, joking I said to McBournie “well, Papi’s got his RBI quota for the month now.” Then after having a week to mull it over, McBournie realized the truth and came up with a more than believable theory. What if the attempted burying of an Ortiz jersey during the building of Yankee Stadium in order to curse the building, then having the plan discovered, actually backfired and cursed our beloved slugger? Read more

Written by Bryan Schools

Four Years Too Late! Buy it!

Posted on June 9, 2009
Filed Under A Word from Our Sponsors | Leave a Comment |

Today’s SeriouslyGuys is brought to you by Four Years Too Late!

Yes, Four Years Too Late: the miracle product that addresses fateful decisions too far back to change now. Use Four Years Too Late for anything, like:

And if you order now, we’ll also send you Four Years Too Late Lite. It slices, it dices, it finds your keys when you’ve already given up and bought a new car!

Four Years Too Late: because MySpace could be cool again … right, Rupert Murdoch?

Written by Rick Snee

Ninjas: Back on the assassination scene

Posted on June 9, 2009
Filed Under He's Dead, Jim | Leave a Comment |

We know you’re wondering, “Guys, why aren’t you writing more about David Carradine? It’s a hot story right now.” Well, on one hand, we love celebrity deaths, on the other hand, we’re not into snuff.

But there’s another reason: we are not going to pass judgment yet on who killed Bill. (Is that joke dead yet?) We need to leave this one to the authorities as we sit back and watch our DVD box sets of “Wild West Tech” (two Carradines for the price of one!).

We should probably mention that we are afraid of ninjas coming after us. The newest theory out there, because auto-erotic exfixiation is sooo last Saturday, is that a “martial arts mafia” came after Carradine as he was exploring their mysterious world. And yes, this one is the Carradines’ idea.

I just won a bet on how many times I could say “Carradine” in one post. Carradine.

(via DListed)

Written by Bryan McBournie

Being dastardly is still cool

Posted on June 9, 2009
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |

Remember kids: you may not win, but having saw-mill blade wheels on your car is totally awesome.

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

Power company officials just don’t understand

Posted on June 9, 2009
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |

You know how you’ll sometimes hear rappers requesting people to turn up many things, such as bass lines or headphones, while recording? On rare occassions, they may even ask for these things in a live fashion.

DJ Jazzy Jeff (of Jazz fame from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air) may have asked for just a little too much baseline. On Sunday in Kansas City, while giving a concert to eager fans, the power was inexplicably cut. Jazzy Jeff (seriously, that’s just fun to write) left the stage after half an hour of frantic waiting. The president of the Kansas City Power & Light District has said that they did not cut the power to concert. Nonetheless, we all know the truth-it was a very hot day in Kansas City and that haterade was tasting mighty cool.

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

That’s some serious ####

Posted on June 9, 2009
Filed Under Headline of the Day | Leave a Comment |

We all know that Yahoo! has the entire internet to do their research and come up with witty headlines and such. However, this pooper of a headline grabs our headline of the day.

Written by Bryan Schools

The World War II on animals

Posted on June 9, 2009
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |

This one’s a bit odd and very short on the facts, we’ll get to those in just a minute, though.

This was clearly a case of not being man’s best friend, more like man’s best frienemy. A dog was being walked through a park when it found a rusty object and brought it back to its owner yesterday.

Turns out, it was a live hand grenade–American–from World War II. One bad move on the dog’s part and this could have been a suicide bombing.

So, apparently old bombs and such from the war are still found all over the country. Don’t they ever comb through public areas to find these things? How many grenades were our boys dropping over there? Finally, if you’re in Germany, and a dog comes at you, can you grab an old grenade, pull the pin and throw it for the dog to go fetch?

Written by Bryan McBournie