Day: June 10, 2009

Take it from Snee: An open letter to Sarah Palin

Hey, Sarah.

Look, I know we’ve had our differences in the past. You wanted to be vice president, and I wanted an Earth where there’s no country ass-backwards enough to let that happen. Tomato/tobacco, right?

I’m not writing this to discuss the last election. Bygones are bygones … Well, except you’re not bygone, bygod, now are you? In fact, it seems like you want to be President in 2012 if your non-Alaskan activities are to be interpreted correctly.

This would be a huge mistake. You see, I’ve learned some things about you from last year that you appear to have not. Please, let me rectify this oversight in hopes that you might become a peaceful, and maybe better, person. Continue reading Take it from Snee: An open letter to Sarah Palin

You look tired

Funny story: we sell mugs just like this in our merch.Are you fatigued from the Internet?

Is surfing the web, keeping up with the latest memes becoming too much of a chore?

Do you need a break from YouTube, friend requests and other online crap that was listed in a Comcast ad?

Well, we have the solution for your poor, weary soul:

STFU and GBTW.

Or, just stay here at SeriouslyGuys. If we don’t write about it, it probably doesn’t matter anyway.

Thinking of the children won’t help you avoid taxes

Japan has a number of kooky things, one being their “love hotels.” Sleazy, paid by the hour getaways for people to get their “loving” (also known as special hugging, or in the case of some people, special hitting), their purposes aren’t entirely sinister, like aglets, but they’ve never really been thought of as something for the needy children of society.

A religious group group tried to change that way of thought. That religious group probably should have paid its taxes first, though.

The Cosmic Truth Society ran over 20 love hotels across Japan and has now come under fire from tax authorities as they’ve reported income as donations to support underprivileged children. One manager claims that as much as 36% of the room fee would go to children’s causes. The tax authorities though don’t believe as such, and have ordered the group to pay a fine of 300 million yen, or about 3 million dollars.

I’m more inclined to believe the tax authorities here, as the religious group was created in 1983, inactive until 1994, then bought out by a food company in Chikuma. You do the math.

Text 4265 to report an ebola outbreak

Softbank and Aoyama Gakuin University know the Japanese. Probably because they are Japanese. They know that the Japanese use their phones for everything: mail, gaming, banking, oh, and sometimes phone calls. They also know what the Japanese may use their phones for: tracking disease.

A group of 1,000 students will be given iPhones (luckiest students ever says this 3G model user), and their attendance will be tracked via GPS. A few months from now, some of these students will be hit with a virtual disease. Given the nature of Japan, a virtual form of swine flu would hilariously ironic. Following this, their movements will be tracked via GPS to determine which children have crossed paths. The families of exposed students will be notified via cell phone messages with instructions on how to get them checked out by doctors.

Softbank throws out this situation: if one person were to spread their disease to three people a day, by the 10th day, 60,000 people would carry the disease. But, in contrast, if that interaction is limited to two people a day, only 1,500 would be carriers of the disease. Knowing who has what would surely go a longer way towards preventing an epidemic than those silly face masks.

You know what knowing also is? Half the battle.

English is the biggest and greatest language on Earth

Did you know that English has the most words out of any language on the planet? The Guys certainly didn’t, we try to limit out posts to less than 100 different words a post, we like to lower the bar for the Internet–if it can be done, that is.

But, according to the Global Language Monitor, which we can only assume monitors language around the globe, says that Wednesday morning, the 1 millionth word will be created. Wait a minute! It’s Wednesday morning right now!

Here it is, your 1 millionth word in the English language, the one we’ve been waiting centuries for:

Liquisneak (noun): When one leans to the side to sneak out a fart, but it ends up being a bit more than one hoped for.

It’s an honor to create the 1 millionth word. I would like to thank all the great English-speaking writers throughout time, Chaucer, Shakespeare, Fitzgerald and Danielle Steele just to name a few. Here’s to 2 million!