Day: June 16, 2009

Eat My Sports: Going out with a thud

Was it just me, or was anyone else anti-psyched about any game of the 2009 NBA Finals? Up until the Finals tipped off, the 2009 postseason could easily be put up as the most exciting in recent memory. Then came the Finals that nobody, especially David Stern, Vitamin Water, Nike, The LeBrons, or the Kobe or LeBron puppets wanted: ladies and gentleman, ORLANDO AND LOS ANGELES!!!

I tried to convince myself that Orlando had a shot, or that any of these games would be watchable, I was wrong. Watching Dwight Howard try and develop post moves in 10 days was like handing an SAT test to the kid with the glue bottle jammed up his nose while trying to fish out earwax with a sharpened pencil. Uncalled for, but still, kind of funny. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Going out with a thud

Obama lays out latest North Korea campaign

The United States Dungeon Master in Chief — and some would argue DM of the Free World — Barack Obama has laid out the latest table in the North Korea D&D game.

While Kim Jong Il might take the Road to War, where U.S. and South Korean special forces lie in wait to give him super painful wedgies, there are other options.

With a critical role, he could bypass the River of Annoyance and renegotiate food supplies from China.

Or, as DM Obama pushes, “There is another path available to North Korea, a path that leads to peace and economic opportunity for North Korea.”

Frustrated at recent events, Obama reinstated that North Korea is out of magic missiles and should stop trying to cast them into the ocean for loot.

Welche erstaunlichen Energien er hat

Recently, a German teenager was hit by a meteorite. Despite what you may think, the sky is not falling, though Michael Bay may have been passing through town that day; however, we’re not out of the clear, as there’re still a few things to take into consideration.

  • Best case scenario: The boy is now infused with powers and decides to help and aid humanity.
  • Bad case scenario: The boy is infused with powers. Unfortunately, being a teenager, he knows not of right from wrong, and as such, he crushes the planet beneath his boot-heel.
  • Worst case scenario: The boy is infused with powers … and is a Nazi. Not only does this article get Godwin’d, but he decides to crush all the unclean for the master race. We’re boned.
  • Worstest case scenario: The boy is infused with powers and becomes Meteor Man. As in, the Robert Townsend movie Meteor Man. We are all super-boned.

Alright, YOU’RE OUT OF HERE!

Channeling shades of Frank Drebin, an Iowa umpire at a high school baseball game ejected a lot of people. Well, to put it correctly, he ejected the entire crowd for being “unruly,” “yelling” and “arguing.”

Let’s hope this genius never makes it to a Red Sox/Yankees game. In related news to this post, Reggie Jackson did not try to kill the queen at the game.

London 2012, here we come!

We’ve been telling you about how the 2010 Vancouver Olympic games are going to be a little different because of the PETA/Canada seal controversy. Well, it seems England is not to be outdone by one of her Commonwealths (Commonwealves?).

In the summer of 2012, the world’s top athletes will head to London (England) for another Olympiad. The only thing is, they’ll be competing on an ancient burial ground. Forty-five severed skulls were found in the ground on a road that is being built for the new Olympic complex, and they may date back to the first century AD, when the Romans were in town.

So let’s get ready for the Haunted Olympics! Say, has anyone reserved that title, I smell a made-for-TV movie!