Day: June 23, 2009

Eat My Sports: Know your enemy

Don’t let it be called bias that I am incorporating my favorite band into one of my columns. The fact is, knowingly or not, you my friends have been exposed over the past three months to America’s new sports’ anthem, Green Day’s “Know Your Enemy.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love making an ass out of myself doing the “Macarena” at any baseball game, but Day’s new single has captured the true element of sporting combat. “Know Your Enemy” debuted at the beginning of the NCAA Championship game on CBS. (I know punk purists, nothing quite says get your rock on like “we will be followed by ’60 Minutes’ on the west coast,” but still.) And at that moment when they synced the video while showing footage of both Michigan State and UNC, Green Day immediately stepped to the forefront with our new anthem. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Know your enemy

Obama launches Iran D&D expansion

Continuing our report on last week’s premier of President Obama’s Path to Peace Dungeons and Dragons campaign, it appears that the North Korea realm is stalled while U.S. players roll to see if they can search their boats.*

*Helpful Hint: Dwarves wearing Lady’s Sunglasses (+2 stealth) could potentially fit in with the crew.

In the meantime, Dungeon Master Obama has launched an expansion campaign for Iran. It starts the same, only this time, the Path to Peace on the game map is marked by its name in Elftongue: “the clear, open Path to International Acceptance.”

This would require trait sets of honesty and candor, and it couldn’t hurt to roll for bonus charisma and initiative–both of which the wizard Khomeini and his gnome underling, Ahmadinejad, severely lack after their mana-draining Thrown Election.

Best way to stay healthy is to be fat

If you’ve got a few extra pounds on you, a study by the Japanese health ministry thinks you’re a-ok. People with a little belly flab at around the age of 40 outlive skinny people by six or seven years. What this tells you is that you should get the double cheeseburger for lunch.

“We found skinny people run the highest risk,” said Shinichi Kuriyama, an associate professor at Tohoku University’s Graduate School of Medicine. “We had expected thin people would show the shortest life expectancy but didn’t expect the difference to be this large.”

They studied 50,000 people between ages 40 and 79 in northern Japan. At first they thought that the decreased lifespan for the skinnies was due to smoking or sickness, but even removed, the result didn’t change much. Instead, they point to their higher vulnerability to diseases.

But for you up-and-coming tubbies, don’t go crazy eating to live longer:

“It’s better that thin people try to gain normal weight, but we doubt it’s good for people of normal physique to put on more fat,” Kuriyama said.

So skip the fries?

Finally, you can say what you mean

Though you may not know it, the bartenders and waiter who serve you hate your guts. In fact, they have a low opinion of humanity in general, just ask them sometime when you’ve already tipped them. They put on smiles, if they smile at all, and do what they can to keep from tampering with your order. It’s a daily struggle.

Though they may take a long time with your drink, you don’t usually hurl insults at them, especially if you plan on getting that drink. A Spanish bar looks to change your thinking on that. In fact, they encourage insults slinged at their bar staff. So, remember this phrase: Una cerveza, maricon.