Day: June 25, 2009

Take it from Snee: The ‘i’ is for ‘indecency’

Second hottest. (Yes, I'm aware that she's dead.)(Updated 26 June 2009 below!)

There was a brief dust-up in the iPhone world today. I’d mention that it affected the iPod Touch, but have only seen these mythological non-3G beasts in Apple Stores. Apple finally approved the development and sale of adult-oriented apps in the iTunes store.

The first app to get greenlit is “Hottest Girls,” which apparently shows you naked women of the “hottest” variety. I haven’t downloaded it, yet, but my definition of “hottest” is pregnant transsexual quadruple amputees sitting in dietary breakfast shakes, so we’ll see if there’s a lawsuit for false advertising in that developer’s future.

Unfortunately, I can’t test it out. Apple pulled the app after mere hours of approving it. Continue reading Take it from Snee: The ‘i’ is for ‘indecency’

An important precedent in middle school dating

So, according to the U.S. Supreme Court, if you want to strip search a teenage girl, you better make sure she’s likely to carry contraband.

That’s why SeriouslyGuys endorses Bad Girls.

Yes, Bad Girls, the girls guaranteed to have something incriminating on them.

They’re the Vice Principal’s best friend, but only because they spend so much time in your office!

Bad Girls are available in different flavors, including:

  • Menthol
  • Vanilla Vodka
  • Crystal Methamphetamine

Bad Girls: two out of three Clarence Thomases can’t be wrong!

Moving left at start does not compute

Great. We are SO boned now. First step, Atari games, next step, the enslavement of humanity. Or our eradication. Whichever our robot overlords feel up to once they assume control.

At Rutgers University, a robot has learned how to play Pitfall for the Atari. Thanks to the university’s Object-Oriented Markov Decision Processes, the AI tries then tries again until it knows how to do something. Also, it dances.

Imagine what happens when it applies this knowledge to killing the human race?

Abstinence sells

Alright, so you’re a hooker if you accept cash to have sex, correct? So why is it exactly legal to pay people not to have sex? Because fellas, that’s exactly what is happening in our own state of North Carolina.

This one goes out to the high-school guys: if you’re looking for a happy ending to a road trip, first in flight should not be your first option. Given that the University of North Carolina at Greensboro is paying girls from ages 12 to 18 not to get knocked up. The young ladies receive one dollar every day, and a check for $7 every week they don’t wake up with morning sickness.

The Guys however are claiming sexual bias, given that we were never offered $$$ for all the years we’ve had to go without getting any.

Monsters in the pond

France is under attack, which means surrender is all but imminent at this point.

One or several crocodiles were reported in a pond near a French village, and apparently, the Frenchies aren’t used to seeing them. But the locals are calling it the “Loch Ness monster of the Vosges,” because they think it’s a monster and “the Vosges monster” was apparently taken.

Rather than grabbing torches and pitchforks, as most villagers would do when confronted with a monster, they are trying to draw the monster out, using a chicken as bait, and they may even drain the pond.

Another idea being kicked around is the construction of a massive, fortified wall along the path the crocodiles have previously invaded.