Take it from Snee: What Michael Bay doesn’t know
Posted on July 1, 2009
Filed Under Take it from Snee | 5 Comments |
There’s an old favorite insult of mine, that “what you don’t know could fill a book.” It’s used when someone confesses to ignorance in response to what someone else said.
What Michael Bay doesn’t know could fill an entire movie. The unfortunate thing for the Zuckers and Wayans of the world is that Michael Bay has made this film, and it’s Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen.
If you’re one of the 70 people in America that didn’t see this movie, then let me warn you: there are spoilers in this article. I don’t say that to warn you, but to assure you that, by the end, you won’t be “at least curious” about seeing this movie. (You’re welcome.)
Just remember that, as you read each point, Bay is allegedly–by his own and others’ accounts–a very demanding director, prone to emotional outbursts and long hours to perfect his vision. His behavior is excused because, as much as he pushes others, he’s supposedly even harder on himself. Read more
Written by Rick SneePolitics: The only professional field for 12-year-olds
Posted on July 1, 2009
Filed Under Scurry '08 | Leave a Comment |
You may have noticed that this post is filed under Scury ‘08. That’s because this story reaches back that far.
You see, Todd S. Purdum wrote a piece on Sarah Palin’s vice presidential candidacy in the August 2009 Vanity Fair. He focused on insider sources about Palin’s political history, including anonymous sources from within the McCain campaign team, about what vapid, attention-whoring rednecks Palin, her family and close associates are.
Well, then Politico told us that Bill Kristol, editor of The Weekly Standard (of which it generally falls short) said he knew which aide it was that gave those quotes: Steve Schmidt.
No, not Steve Schmidt from North High who totally cheated on Becky Corngrave with that slut, Becky Rivers–or what we call “The Beckies Incident.” Steve Schmidt, McCain’s campaign manager.
Anyway, Schmidt was all like, “Who said that, Billy Kristol? Didn’t he tardhang with Dan Quayle? McCain’s my bro; I’d never say that. It was Randy Scheunemann.”
That’s right, the same Randy Scheunemann that left summer camp early, saying he had strep, when really it was because he was too stupid to pack any underwear and you could totally see his balls in his shorts. Anyway, he was McCain’s foreign policy adviser and Kristol’s renowned BFF.
Well, when Kristol heard Schmidt made fun of Scheunemann, he called Schmidt out on it, saying he’s a dick and pretended to be friends with Palin at first because she was cool when she was new, and then backstabbed her.
So, Schmidt said he and this hacker friend of his were looking through all the campaign email systems and found a link from “a very senior member to Bill Kristol.”
Scheuenemann confirmed his email had been hacked and called Schmidt “a f%#king Nazi.”
And then, “Schmidt suggested that Scheunemann had fingered Nicole Wallace.” Ew. I know, right?! He’s such a tool!
Oh, but Wallace swears up and down that she didn’t call Palin a diva. Her steady husband, Mark, says the same thing, but Scheunemann says Mark should know “something about divas because he’s [totally] married to a diva.”
So, as you can see, politics is a very serious business, without which our entire nation would fall apart.
Written by Rick Snee2 LEGIT 2 QUIT
Posted on July 1, 2009
Filed Under Pirates | Leave a Comment |
Yar! It be quite a scurvy world out thar, and not everyone be able ta cut it out in the land of serious business, also be known as The Intarnetz.
The latest crew to become permanent landlubbers be The Pirate Bay, the Stockholm-based piracy site that formerly be a peer-to-peer server which made video games, movies and music available for “sharing” among users, but most recently, be raided by Swedish commodores and the ensuing trial against the BitTorrent site’s founder resulted in a guilty verdict. No more though! The Pirate Bay now be owned by Sweden’s Global Gaming Factory X AB for the quaint sum of 7.8 million dollars. That be a lot of wenches and grog!
In a quote from Hans Pandeya, CEO of the buyers:
“We would like to introduce models which entail that content providers and copyright owners get paid for content that is downloaded via the site.”
“In order to live on, The Pirate Bay requires a new business model, which satisfies the requirements and needs of all parties, content providers, broadband operators, end users, and the judiciary. Content creators and providers need to control their content and get paid for it.”
Seems that legal fees be a higher priority than privateering, eh bucko?
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorSeal of approval
Posted on July 1, 2009
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
Ladies and gentlemen, we have scored another victory against the animals as we have another one that we can add to menus at restaurants. Last week a Canadian chef served up a delicious beef-looking treat, only this was no beef my friends, it was seal. That’s right, those barking things at Sea World that don’t eat you only because of being distracted by fish, are now being served up as the catch of the day.
See what happens when you mess with us animals? We cook you in Canada.
Written by Bryan SchoolsEnglish swans will soon meet their fate
Posted on July 1, 2009
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
We have reported through the past several months that Canada has gone on the offensive in the War on Animals (in particular, baby seals), but as we have also noted, Canada is really the Puerto Rico of the United Kingdom. So in reality, it’s all just the Brits who are coming to help us, as we wait for the sleeping American giant to wake up fully and get to work.
Well, it seems Queen Elizabeth II is at it again. What’s Betsy doing this time? She is making sure all the swans are counted–so she knows where they are and how many she has left to kill. It’s a tradition dating back to the 12th century, when they counted swans by the hog’s head worth of blood.
The best part is that there is a guy whose job it is to count the foul fowl. His title, of course, is the Queen’s Swan Warden. Now all we need is the royal executioner.
Written by Bryan McBournie