Oliver Stone’s Born on the Fourth of July is not an adaptation of the memoir by Vietnam veteran Ron Kovic, though that’s what the credits indicate. It’s most certainly based on it, but it’s not necessarily an adaptation of the memoir. It’s an indulgent style showcase for Stone, who, with his longtime cinematographer Robert Richardson, employs every act of film trickery imaginable that doesn’t involve CGI effects. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Born on the Fourth of July’
Day: July 2, 2009
Jackson death mystery solved
The media and the blogoshere are ablaze with the latest news on the death of Michael Jackson and the aftermath. Speculation abounds about what exactly killed the King of Pop while we wait for the toxicology report. Well the wait is over.
Remember Bubbles? He toured with Jacko for a little while in the late 80s, when touring with a wild animal was popular. (Bruce Springsteen toured with kangaroo.) For a time, Bubbles was famous, but he was famous for being Jackson’s second banana. And even if you like bananas, that fact can eat at you.
So over the decades since Bubbles sat quietly in his “wildlife reserve” retirement home in Florida, plotting to kill the monarch who ruined his life. He took time establishing connections in the underground, observing Jackson’s habits and trying to forget how to moonwalk. When the time came, he ordered the regicide. All from behind bars.
With enough patience, every major news story is part of the War on Animals.
BeeGees make heart attacks more bearable
When Christopher Bader had a heart attack in the woods one morning, he thanked whatever god he worships that his wife was there.
Until she started singing the f&$king BeeGees.
Debra used the song “Stayin’ Alive” to time the chest compressions she adminstered to her husband. She picked up this nasty idea from an American Heart Association PSA.
Amazingly, despite the title song from the sequel to Saturday Night Fever, he pulled through long enough for paramedics to arrive and administer the defibrillator. But is it really worth living once that song gets in your head?
(Now you can tell us, suckers.)
The family that stays together, takes over the world together
And let’s be honest here: when your family has got roots in Europe, the U.S., Japan, Argentina and, frankly, all over the world, they’re probably on a better route of doing so than us.
Obviously, I’m talking about ants, but I’m specifically referring to Argentine ants. They’re spread all over the world, they refuse to wage war upon each other (which is humongous given that ants can be fairly territorial) and–worst of all–we’re helping them in their quest.
Yes, that’s right: you. By traveling all over the world, becoming jet-setting, high-flying, wheeling and dealing sons of a gun (W000000000!!!!!!!!), we’ve unwittingly mingled colonies with other colonies and created this super-breed.
So, what can we do to stop this? Well, obviously, we could the isolationist approach, but, frankly, I enjoy my foreign food too much to allow this to happen. The other choice?
Simple. The article mentions that ants live everywhere but in Antarctica. Clearly, the cleansing and purifying power of cold will save us. Freeze the ants! FREEZE THEM ALL!
(Courtesy of Groonk)
Canada still hasn’t had any real crime yet
On this past Sunday in Southern Ontario, Canada in a small city called Mississauga, a guy (or a few guys) decided they’d like to have some Xbox 360’s–a lot of them, truth told. Around 4:00 in the morning, a truck containing roughly 1,300 of the consoles was stolen from a trailer yard.
The security guard on duty was found bound and stuck under a nearby trailer. We’re pretty sure he’s been fired by now. But probably in a nice way, since it happened in Canada.
The value of the theft? Ballparking figures around US$670,000. Yeah, we were kind of hoping it would be worth more, too.
Guns and boozers
In our “duh” moment of the day, we give you our headline of the day that confirms what nearly all of us should already know.
Yeah, and some frogs can change genders
Sit down.
Trust us, you need to be sitting for this. We know you’re usually sitting down when you’re on your computer, but we had to make sure. It sounds good, and besides, you may be reading this on your phone.
Sitting now? OK, good.
Salamanders can re-grow legs. That’s shocking enough, but now science wants to do the same thing to us. Let me just say right now that I enjoy living my live dry almost all the time. I enjoy breathing oxygen and I like having teeth, too. I have no urge to be a salamander.