Day: July 17, 2009

You Missed It: What about white guys? edition

If you are reading this, odds are you are not on vacation right now. That’s a good thing, because I am not either, yet it seems that half the world has decided to take their vacation now. If I have to suffer, I’m glad you’re here to suffer with me. If you were busy getting psyched up for the anniversary of the moon landing this week, odds are you missed it.

Next up on C-SPAN theater
Supreme Court Justice nominee Sonia Sotomayor faced several days of senators trying to get in the best sound bite while wrapping it up somehow in the form of a question. In response, Sotomayor responded in an honest, totally not-coached way. But through it all, the most important issue emerged: Sotomayor, pinned by questions, was forced to admit that she is in fact a “Latina woman.”

Oh yeah? Well ‘The Dark Knight’ still holds the top spot!
The latest Harry Potter movie, which we believe has something to do with Harry Potter and a prince of half-blood–or something along those lines, brought in $58 million in a single day, making it the best opening for any of the series, and fourth of any movie ever released. This just goes to show, if you make a movie about a kid’s book exciting enough for children, but dark enough and sexy enough for adults, both demographics will meet in a creepy, creepy middle.

If I have to watch that “Roosevelts” Taco Bell commercial one more time …
Major League Baseball, for the most part, was on a break earlier this week, but fortunately, your baseball viewing was in overtime. The Home Run Derby lasted nearly a fortnight, which resulted in Chris Berman running out of “Back back back back”s (followed by the celebrity softball game, which you know you stuck around for), while the All-Star Game itself clocked in at under three hours. Say, did you know that Albert Pujols plays for the St. Louis Cardinals, where the All-Star Game was being played? Did you know that Fox announcer Joe “Slamalama Ding-Dong” Buck’s father was a famous announcer for the St. Louis Cardinals, where the All-Star Game was being played? In case you didn’t, ESPN and FOX saw to it to remind you once or twice.

No tweetu-chan

Tweeting isn’t for everyone. Not me, mind you. Friends of mine can probably agree with me that I thoroughly enjoy the service, allowing a ridiculous amount of gobbledy-gook to random flow from my insane cerebrum to the INTARWUBS. All of the Guys tweet. SeriouslyGuys, our website, has even gained machine sentience and tweets. It seems like it might take a lot longer for Japan at large though, as a recent survey by the iBridge monitor group revealed that just 2.6% of Japanese people ever used Twitter (current and in the past) and only 16% even know what it is. Of those who used the service, more than two-thirds reported having at least four followers.

Given how much Japan uses its cellphones, I’d have thought Twitter to be an almost immediate hit, since it can direct messages via SMS (lamest use of Twitter, though-iPhone FTW). Plus, with kanji, one can say a lot more in 140 characters. Then again, Japanese also have an unparalleled level of mobile net access. Do they have a problem with reading all the messages from the bottom up? Perhaps they have something better that they’ve been using all along?

SeriouslyGuys thinks we know what they’re doing.

Even genies in bottles get bruises

Oh no! Song singer Christina Aguilera hit her hand while playing the Nintendo Wii. It gets worse. She apparently bruised herself. The horror.

I don’t think you heard me.

THE HORROR!

Ahem. Yes. Well. Showbiz Spy brings us this tragic, tragic story, wrought with pain and suffering and even more pain:

“Christina loves her Wii as a fun way to do a little work out,” a source said. “Now she’s a mother, it’s perfect for her. On this one occasion she and Joel were in the middle of a particularly heated game of tennis and Christina came off a little worse for wear in a run-in with a table lamp. She has a bruised hand but is more upset that she lost the game!”

Cancel her cameo appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards! All tour dates have been canceled! Whatever our we to do?! Christina needs some serious recovery time. She doesn’t only have a bruised hand, but a bruised heart for losing that game.

You know what happened when Bryan McBournie hurt his hand playing with his Wii? He used the other hand. You know what happened when I hit my hand against a wall while playing Wii Sports a year or two ago? I shrugged it off. ZOMG OH SNAP I JUST THREW THE DRUMSTICKS DOWN ON YA CHRISTINA!

Something wrong happening New Jersey? Inconceivable!

A woman was out walking and heard screams coming from a New Jersey house. She did the assumingly natural thing and phoned for the professionals, but when they got there, it all went just a little bit wacky.

Upon police arrival, the resident of the house refused to let them in, explaining that the screams were caused by a video game session. He was said to be irrational at this point (maybe someone took his Cheetos? They are dangerously cheesy), and when more cops arrived, he threatened them and slammed the door in their faces. It’s a completely and totally acceptable reaction. I’d be angry too if I lived in New Jersey.

Cops had to speak with the man through open windows, and then the SWAT Team arrived.

Seriously (Guys).

Eventually, the man left his house peacefully, and currently awaits psychological examination at the Somerset Medical Center. This makers the second time in history that an armed response team has had to interrupt a man’s gaming session. Brilliant. Just brilliant. Way to jump the gun, New Jersey.

Naked gun

A man in Nebraska was arrested after being found walking around a park, nude. Now, to explain his nudeness, he made up a story about being robbed, but due to lack of funds, the robber took his clothes. But in actuality, the naked pedestrian was actually trying to beat the heat, and lost his clothes. Now all this is fine and good, but whether the gentleman was hot or ugly should have no bearing on the headline right, Yahoo?

Lost in space

Photo taken by Neil Armstrong.Let’s say you’re a government agency–a famous one. About, oh, say, 40 years ago your agency had its crowning achievement. In fact, it was hailed as one of the most important events in the history of humanity. It’s a good thing you got the whole thing on tape, right? You’re damn right it is.

Then let’s say a few years ago you admitted you couldn’t find the tapes of the pinnacle of your agency-nay, of your country in the 20th century. You even checked behind the couch, because tapes sometimes get stuck back there. You search high and low, until you find out what happened to the recordings.

You figure it out one day. You erased them. You f&$%ing erased them. What the hell were you thinking about? This satellite launch mix tape you made sucks. The moon landing was a way better jam. You really, really suck, NASA.

And don’t think that restoring other tapes makes up for it, bean bags.