The McBournie Minute: Handle yourself in the men’s room

I was rather sad when I saw last week that Brad Pitt is giving out advice about stuff, like men’s room do (do)s and don’ts. I was sad for two reasons: Brad Pitt does not use public restrooms–ever, and I had planned something similar for this week’s topic. What the hell, I’ll do it anyway!

Hang up and aim
We’ve all heard the people who like to talk on/answer their phones while on the can. (Can you *grunt* hear me now?) It’s a fun prank to play, you can even do it at home. But really it’s kind of rude. However, there’s a new kind of rudeness in our nation’s men’s rooms: people who talk on their cell phones at the urinal.

I know that conversation about what you’re having for dinner, or the big deal your office is working on closing, can be, but it is not so urgent that it can’t wait the roughly 2 minutes until you’re done and out of the men’s room again. You ever ride a bus or train and someone nearby is talking on their cell phone? Just imagine that annoyance from the person standing next to you while you are trying to pass water. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Handle yourself in the men’s room

Suggestions to increase public health care interest

Hey, Mr. President.

We don’t talk much. You run with slightly more influential crowds than The Guys. That’s cool.

And it’s also cool that you’re trying to be the Picard to Bush’s Kirk by talking through problems like the economy, Iran and Rush Limbaugh.

But, maybe, just maybe, talking won’t get support for that health care initiative you want. It may be time to put away the teleprompter and sick kids and maybe try something a little more … active to engage the American people.

Now, we’re not advocating setting off a giant electromagnetic pulse to trigger brain tumors across the country or appointing Pamela Anderson to give the nation’s water supply Hepatitis C. But we’re not not saying that those ideas would totally work.

Coolest old guy ever finally dies

Frankly, it seems as if death is someone we’re really going to have to get used to. It’s always rough to see someone who’s lived through three centuries pass away, mainly because you know that they’re probably even more mad that we still haven’t given a jet pack to the general populace, despite we living in the future, even more so than me.

And  trust me, I’m a man that wants his jet pack.

Sadly, one such individual passed away: Henry Allingham. Nonetheless, he at least made sure to impart his wonderful message on how to live forever:

“cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women.”

Weinermobile crashes into a garage, if you know what I mean

It’s summer time, that means hot dogs are everywhere, but mostly on grills. Unfortunately, it also means that the Oscar Meyer weinermobile is on the loose again, bringing with it a herd of sexual innuendos ripe for some snarky news humor blog out there, but we’re not that blog.

The weinermobile was lost in Racine, Wisconsin, trolling for someone to take it in, take it all in. No one wanted to play along. Finally, the hot dog car tried to turn around in a driveway and “accidentally” plowed into a garage that did not give its consent. The weiner ended up getting stuck.

Oh, and by the way, it was a woman driving.