Day: July 22, 2009

Take it from Snee: Look out! The world’s ending!

Not really. You'd be spread out all over the place.

Way back in 1999, I understood that the world might end at 12 a.m., New Year’s Day, 2000. That made sense: computers would launch nukes to prevent the return of 1900.

I wasn’t entirely against it because, well, isn’t dying worth avoiding the Titanic, two world wars and disco? If I could trust a computer to provide my pornography, this was an easy decision on who to trust.

Unfortunately, I woke up in the newly-minted Year 2000.

It wasn’t unfortunate because straw hats and ragtime had returned, but because I was hung-over and on several husbands’ to-beat-up lists for hitting on their wives. (C’mon, the world was ending/I was 18.)

From January 1, 2000 and two Excedrin on, I lived. I went to school, helped start a Web site and got married. Little did I know that I did all this on borrowed time, that the world will end before I turn 30 … well, 32, and in one of several ways. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Look out! The world’s ending!

Does this mean a Ron Paul ark?

And they will call him Ron Paul-Muad'dib.In any movement of crazy people, some cultural isolationism is bound to develop. We see it in fringe religious groups that build Little House on the Prairie porn villages.

And it makes sense. Even nudists, who live together to live in violation of one general more (not wearing pants), move into insular colonies because they’re still opposed to other people looking at them to masturbate.

But, sometimes they do so to isolate themselves biologically, creating a Bene Gesserit breeding program to facilitate the coming of their Chosen One. In this vein, Ron Paul supporters have created an online dating site, and the Ronster has approved it.

Then again, it’s probably for the best. Ever been on a first date and experience an awkward silence after revealing yourself as a rabid devotee to a third-party candidate who will never, ever, ever, ever win?

(SeriouslyGuy Bryan McBournie, a diehard Bull Moose, can attest to this problem.)

Impressionable youth does something stupid, manages to live

Protip: Gasoline is not Energon.

Protip: If you decide to drink gasoline, your IQ probably won’t drop but so low. After all, it’s not as if it’s incredibly high to begin with.

Protip: Keeping a child hydrated is very expensive, and even more so these days with rising gas prices.

Protip: If a child stumbles in a house smelling as if they’ve kissed a gas pump, he or she probably has.

Protip: If your child is drinking lighter fluid, that’s not exactly a good sign to begin with.

Goodnight, sweet high flying jet prince

“If we can give hundreds of billions of dollars away to banks, under two billion for some more high tech fighter craft doesn’t sound so bad, right?”

“No.”

“Well, how about a jet that doesn’t have that great of a design, but is still functional?”

“No.”

“Aw.”

That’s essentially what happened at Congress on Tuesday. The majority of the Senate, in a 58-40 vote, sided with President Obama and cut the money for making F-22’s. Which, in all honesty, is a smart and logical move. The F-22 is a bucket wheel excavator when we generally just need to dig a few fence posts. It’s totally awesome to see in person when it’s moving, but it’s neither cost-effective nor necessary.

Sorry Michael Bay-looks like you’re gonna need a new Starscream.

The fall fashions are in!

You wait long enough and eventually it comes back into fashion. In this case, it is once again cool to dress like a Nazi. Remember a few years back when Prince Harry dressed up like a Nazi for a party? How awesome was that! Who could ever take offense in dressing like that?

This fall, it’s what everyone’s going to be wearing, if the mayor of a Romanian town and his teenage son are any indication. They both dressed up in full World War II German Army officer uniforms (there’s a difference between Nazis and the German military, but whatever) to a fashion show. The father-son fashion duo entered the stage goose stepping, too.

For some reason, people want the mayor to step down.