Day: August 10, 2009

The McBournie Minute: No, I didn’t bring you any candy

Vacation is one of the few good things in the average life. At least one of the few things you can look forward to as you plan out.

When you’re a kid, every day is exciting. Bad days really aren’t so bad. A lot of the world is new to you, so you are excited any time you travel. The holidays are no exception. But as you get older events like the holidays became more of a hassle. Besides, everyone has them off.

One of the best parts about a vacation is that the whole time, if you choose to think about work, you can remind yourself that those other poor schmucks are still in the office while you’re laying out in the sun on the beach. But then when you get back, those same people have their hands out. “What did you bring me?” Continue reading The McBournie Minute: No, I didn’t bring you any candy

Welcome to debate via the Internet

Democratic House and Senate leaders are shocked–shocked–that people are shouting disruptively in Democrats’ town hall meetings concerning health care reform.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Majority Leader Steny Hoyer have gone so far to call protestor’s efforts, including hanging a Maryland congressman in effigy, “un-American.”

Really? “Un-American?” We’re digging that term up again from the Iraq War?

This statement proves only one thing: Pelosi and her peers haven’t noticed that this is how Americans discuss important issues, whether it’s in O’Reilly’s studio or in the comments section of Daily Kos.

There are no civil dialogues, especially when political organizations, action groups and marketing departments can compose a slogan for you to shout. If you’re echoing the viewpoints of someone with questionable qualifications on television or radio without looking up the facts yourself, then there is nothing more American to date.

Fail shark to become newest internet meets real life

Let us paint you a picture: you’re sitting out with your buddies in the ocean. You’ve been spear-fishing, searching for some primo lobster and just all around having a good time. I mean, these days, if you can get a little bit of enjoyment out of the peaceful things in life, then that’s a delightfully good thing, right? Besides, it’s not like you’re really doing any harm. In fact, one might even say that as the day is starting to close, it’s been a really good one.

And then, it happens. A bull shark, violating all known and documented characteristics of its nature and physical ability, leaps out of the water, into the air and right into your boat. You’ve done nothing to it, but that doesn’t mean the monster won’t stop gnashing and tearing with its deadly mouth full of multiple rows of razor-sharp teeth. Eventually, reality catches up with the monster, and it finally ceases to exist as a living creature-but the damage is done. Granted, the actual damage done by the fish’s flopping body is minor in nature, but the metaphysical damage is much greater. It will leap out of the water and into your boat for no damn reason at all. If this picture sounds familiar, then you are clearly Michael Powers.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is an unmitigated and completely unprovoked attack upon our own race! We cannot allow this to continue, as flying fish are clearly working in league with sharks to teach them how to use their own techniques for the destruction of mankind. Frankly, it’s time for only one course of action-shark fin sandwiches.

Fail whale takes up residence

Mother of god, it happened. We never thought it would happen, but it really did. Twitter was down for an extended period of time! The nightmare happened on Thursday. Mercifully, I was away, but I hear tell of the horrifying experience.

Not only was Twitter down–Facebook and LiveJournal had some glitches! My god, it sounds like, it sounds like, a normal day on the Internet!

Nevertheless, it left the addicted to social media questioning their existence and wondering how they operated only a couple years ago, when they were only on MySpace and Friendster.

“It’s like, ‘I can’t update! I can’t update!’ It’s just one of those bugs that gets in you.”

The horror. The horror.