Eat My Sports: Bring it, Madden
Posted on August 11, 2009
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I am challenging John Maddden. No, not to a game of Scrabble, or a game of who can drop “boom” more times in a five minute conversation. No kids, this year, we here at SG are challenging the video game, to see how they can handle us.
Playing as your favorite team gets lame after a while, Bryan McBournie himself has even admitted to there being a limit as to how much he can take of Tom Brady’s digital butt. So you need to kick it up a notch, give the game a little spark. You need to create a team of you and your friends as “create-a-players” with perfect ratings, and see if Madden has the cajones to keep up with you.
McBournie and I are masters of this. Throughout college we perfected the QB/RB combo by designing a shotgun offense that allowed my golden arm and toned legs to plow through any defense like Lindsay Lohan and Misha Barton tag-teaming a 10-lb eight ball. This year however, SG will take on Madden. And we will keep you posted of the results, but before we update you every week. Here is our lineup, as we will make the Detroit Lions a playoff team. Why Detroit? We told you already, we like the shotgun. Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsWhip ‘em out … for your health
Posted on August 11, 2009
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“Researchers discovered that women with a family history of breast cancer were 59-percent less likely to develop the disease if they breast fed.”
Did you hear that?
We’ve got cookies. You don’t want breast cancer. This is a win-win.
Of course, we’re still waiting to find out if you make chocolate milk by eating lots of Hershey’s.
Written by Rick SneeMickey had to be restrained
Posted on August 11, 2009
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Many a man has asked himself, “What is the price of groping Minnie Mouse in the Magic Kingdom?” The answer: two days in jail, 180 days of probation and 50 hours of community service.
Aw, shucks.
Written by Bryan McBournieNerd’s mom shouldn’t have thrown out the bathwater with the models
Posted on August 11, 2009
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A 29-year-old worker and avid Gundam collector, who was still living at home in Kobe with his mother (which, apparently, are not one and the same), set fire to his room, intending to kill himself when his mother threw out some of his Gundam models that he had built.
Of course, he realized that he didn’t want to die, and so he managed to escape from the house without any injuries, as did his mother, who is clearly and obviously a screaming banshee of a woman. The entirety of the house burned down, though, and the man was arrested for the arson. His words to describe his actions?
“Since my Mom threw out my plastic Gundams, I figured I may as well die.”
Oh, that’s just deliciously sad and pathetic. I wish I could have that emotion bottled up and placed into an aerosol spray bottle so that I could spread it on crackers.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorExcuse me, where is your punk/Muslim section?
Posted on August 11, 2009
Filed Under Regular Post | 4 Comments |
In the manner of categories of “things you don’t expect to see in the morning,” a CNN feature on a South Asian Muslim/punk quartet falls right under that category. Join us next week as The Guys experiment with the cultural blendings of Southern Baptist/Rap.
Written by Bryan SchoolsHorses decreasing, mystery burgers more popular
Posted on August 11, 2009
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It’s a bad time to be a horse in Florida. Then again, that statement assumes there was ever a good time to be a horse in Florida. Anyway, horses are being killed by people other than their owners. No one knows if the culprits are our stealthier warriors or just people who are hungry.
Even so, we are glad to hear that the antiquated forms of transportation are being put down once and for all. The people of Florida have had it with horses. They watch you all day, pretending to be tame, just waiting to throw you or kick you in the head the moment you let down your guard.
I say nay (not “neigh”), we will no longer let ourselves been watched and followed by an enemy trying to pass itself off as loyal. Kill the horses. If you want to eat them, well that’s your thing, buddy.
Written by Bryan McBournie