Day: August 19, 2009

Take it from Snee: Explaining guns at health care protests

Rick Snee Antidisestablishmentarianism Militia

August 1, 2009 Meeting Minutes

Attendance: 3,171, of which 3,101 were new members as of November 5, 2008.

Icebreaker: Loudest gun mods and quietest homemade silencers contest

Pat Simmons won for loudest gun modification by adding a police siren and glass pack to his Browning Automatic Rifle.

He narrowly edged out second place, (his brother) Greg Simmons’ similar modification, by yelling, “USA!” very loudly while firing. Greg tried to yell, too, but he had already lost his voice at the Ted Nugget tribute show last night at the Flying-J.

Jerome Lyzon won for quietest homemade silencer by skewering a summer sausage with his .357 magnum. For the record, Lyzon added that there’s nothing gay to be taken from that and shut up, you’re queer. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Explaining guns at health care protests

This is what we get for shunning hunter-gatherers

Another study came out about climate change. The bad news is that they still think it exists and don’t mention God as a reason for it. The good news is that it’s not our fault!

Nope, it’s ancient farmers. Apparently, they all burned down so many forests that they released a lot of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, which probably caused the world to heat up and thus bring Al Gore to post-political fame. So, um, now what?

Did we mention how awesome you are?

That's all you're getting from us, Google.

Speaking of news about lawsuits and social media, a New York Supreme Court judge ruled that a model, Liskula Cohen, can force Google to give her identifying information about a blogger. The blogger, currently anonymous, called Cohen a “skank,” “ho” and the ever-slutty “psychotic” on his or her “Skanks in NYC.”

This would normally concern writers of a blog like ours, but we’re fortunately not anonymous. (Except for Bryan McBournie, who uses his penname to protect himself from animals that can read.)

… But, just in case, we don’t think you readers are skanky. Not at all. Well, maybe that one time, but we were just jealous of how many ping-pong balls you smuggled in.

Pandas almost gone, couldn’t have done it without them

Congratulations everyone! We did it! According to SCIENCE and crazy people the WWF, we’re now just 2 or 3 more generations away from having one less animal enemy on this planet. That’s right, it would seem that the giant pandas are slowly starting to go the way of the dinosaur and pet rocks.

The pro of this situation: no more “fluffy and cute” pandas mean one less enemy to entrance our own weak-minded human compatriots.

The con of the situation: my dream of having an all panda meat fast food chain grows ever so much more distant.

What’s always interesting to note:

In addition to environmental constraints, the animals’ notoriously low libidos have frustrated efforts to boost their numbers. Breeders have resorted to tactics such as showing them “panda porn” videos of other pandas mating, and putting males through “sexercises” aimed at training up their pelvic and leg muscles for the rigours of copulation.

Remember everyone, part of evolution is weeding out the fat losers who don’t want to mate, or adapt their life in any possible way to prolong their own existence. You’d honestly think by now that the male giant pandas would have broken their “No Fat Chicks” rule, but clearly, not so much.