Day: August 27, 2009

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Inglourious Basterds’

Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds is filled with vicious Nazis, British spies, American commandos and French collaborators all deceiving and destroying one another in occupied Paris. But it’s not a movie about the war. It’s a movie about war movies.

Of course, for some film fans, that’ll be evident from the onset. The film borrows its title but little else from Enzo Castellari’s 1978 WWII film. In Tarantino’s version, a small group of Jewish-American soldiers under the command of Brad Pitt’s Aldo Raine terrorizes Nazi soldiers in Occupied France, performing shocking acts of savagery and corpse mutilations. How close they come to war crimes is unclear because, in a very un-Tarantino manner, he shows little more than a few scalpings that earn Aldo the nickname “Apache” from the Germans and one execution by a baseball bat.

But is it any good? Well, it’s a QT film: a lot of the time, that can break up people into two distinctly diverse groupings. Of course, those people either love anything done by him or hate anything done by him. Now, for everyone else, the question still remains about the quality of the movie.

Guess I’m going to show some of my own “basterd” behavior and make you hit the jump to find out that answer. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Inglourious Basterds’

We don’t like tan lines either

We here at SeriouslyGuys consider ourselves feminists of the truest sense. We believe in equal rights. That is why we are extremely upset that we missed National Go Topless Day on Aug. 23.

As you an probably guess, Go Topless Day is all about allowing women equal rights. We dig women’s lib and we always have. Particularly, we dig a woman’s right to bare, well, nipples. The struggle continues, ladies!

GoTopless.org (very NSFW)

Mother-in-lawsuit

No, not 'O.G.' Not yours.Sunda Croonquist, a stand-up comedian, is being sued by her mother-in-law for defamation.

In the suit, she alleges that Sunda has made it possible to identify her on a comedy web site and that people may think she is a racist. Unfortunately, it is difficult to prove that a joke is more than a joke in court.

However, she might have had a case if she sued Sunda for defaming the family name with her reliance on jokes about her light African-American appearance, dated jokes about J-Lo’s butt, Jewish culture, in-laws and this kneeslapper:

“If she knew [when she met her mother-in-law] she was going to be sued, she said, she might have tried to make a worse first impression, perhaps impersonating a gangsta rapper.

“‘I should have went in with a gold tooth. I should have had like one pant’s leg rolled up. I should have been like, Yo, yo, yo. Shalom, y’all. ‘Sup?,’ she says, chuckling.”

It’s worse than we thought

I hope you’re sitting down. I’ve got some very bad news.

No, I’m talking about a man attempting to create government funded dinosaurs by fusing chickens with ancient DNA and thus destroy us all. Nor am I talking about how science has managed to create the scariest looking monkeys of all time.

Yet still am I not talking about how the Department of Veterans Affairs managed to “accidentally” diagnose over eighteen hundred veterans with Lou Gehrig’s disease. Whoopsidoodle!

What I am talking about is the potential latest victim of the economic crisis: beer.

It appears that due to low sales volumes across the world, brewers are going to be raising prices. Anheuser-Busch InBev has already announced that they’ll be increasing the cost of alcohol pure sip come this fall. But it doesn’t with just the crappy beer produced by them. MillerCoors and Heineken will be raising their prices as well, though MillerCoors states that this is “part of the company’s regular fall increases.”

So, what does this mean for you, faithful reader? Not a lot of good. Despite the hurricane/tornado/storm speculator mentality that this will sound like, I can wholeheartedly recommend rushing out and buying up beer at the price it is now, if it hasn’t been raised. I’m already hurt by the decisions. It’s hard enough for me to find Sam Adam’s Summer Ale (my personal favorite) as it is right now, since the season is essentially over for it-but to pay more for it? Talk about paying painfully for pleasure.

Stampede!

Farms are dangerous places. Sure, they smell bad and there is all sorts of machinery around, but it’s mostly dangerous because of the animals and the false sense of security into which you are lured. We think of farms the way we think about our childhood, we even have books and songs from our childhood to make us feel safe.

Unfortunately, the animals know all of this, and they sit waiting to capitalize on it. We have books about that, too. The animals in England, the cows, in particular, are uprising. Cows have killed four farmers in the past two months. It’s so bad that the the National Farmers Union has issued a warning to all farmers about these attacks.

Summarily, the British resolved to defend their isle until the end.