Month: August 2009

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Inglourious Basterds’

Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds is filled with vicious Nazis, British spies, American commandos and French collaborators all deceiving and destroying one another in occupied Paris. But it’s not a movie about the war. It’s a movie about war movies.

Of course, for some film fans, that’ll be evident from the onset. The film borrows its title but little else from Enzo Castellari’s 1978 WWII film. In Tarantino’s version, a small group of Jewish-American soldiers under the command of Brad Pitt’s Aldo Raine terrorizes Nazi soldiers in Occupied France, performing shocking acts of savagery and corpse mutilations. How close they come to war crimes is unclear because, in a very un-Tarantino manner, he shows little more than a few scalpings that earn Aldo the nickname “Apache” from the Germans and one execution by a baseball bat.

But is it any good? Well, it’s a QT film: a lot of the time, that can break up people into two distinctly diverse groupings. Of course, those people either love anything done by him or hate anything done by him. Now, for everyone else, the question still remains about the quality of the movie.

Guess I’m going to show some of my own “basterd” behavior and make you hit the jump to find out that answer. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Inglourious Basterds’

We don’t like tan lines either

We here at SeriouslyGuys consider ourselves feminists of the truest sense. We believe in equal rights. That is why we are extremely upset that we missed National Go Topless Day on Aug. 23.

As you an probably guess, Go Topless Day is all about allowing women equal rights. We dig women’s lib and we always have. Particularly, we dig a woman’s right to bare, well, nipples. The struggle continues, ladies!

GoTopless.org (very NSFW)

Mother-in-lawsuit

No, not 'O.G.' Not yours.Sunda Croonquist, a stand-up comedian, is being sued by her mother-in-law for defamation.

In the suit, she alleges that Sunda has made it possible to identify her on a comedy web site and that people may think she is a racist. Unfortunately, it is difficult to prove that a joke is more than a joke in court.

However, she might have had a case if she sued Sunda for defaming the family name with her reliance on jokes about her light African-American appearance, dated jokes about J-Lo’s butt, Jewish culture, in-laws and this kneeslapper:

“If she knew [when she met her mother-in-law] she was going to be sued, she said, she might have tried to make a worse first impression, perhaps impersonating a gangsta rapper.

“‘I should have went in with a gold tooth. I should have had like one pant’s leg rolled up. I should have been like, Yo, yo, yo. Shalom, y’all. ‘Sup?,’ she says, chuckling.”

It’s worse than we thought

I hope you’re sitting down. I’ve got some very bad news.

No, I’m talking about a man attempting to create government funded dinosaurs by fusing chickens with ancient DNA and thus destroy us all. Nor am I talking about how science has managed to create the scariest looking monkeys of all time.

Yet still am I not talking about how the Department of Veterans Affairs managed to “accidentally” diagnose over eighteen hundred veterans with Lou Gehrig’s disease. Whoopsidoodle!

What I am talking about is the potential latest victim of the economic crisis: beer.

It appears that due to low sales volumes across the world, brewers are going to be raising prices. Anheuser-Busch InBev has already announced that they’ll be increasing the cost of alcohol pure sip come this fall. But it doesn’t with just the crappy beer produced by them. MillerCoors and Heineken will be raising their prices as well, though MillerCoors states that this is “part of the company’s regular fall increases.”

So, what does this mean for you, faithful reader? Not a lot of good. Despite the hurricane/tornado/storm speculator mentality that this will sound like, I can wholeheartedly recommend rushing out and buying up beer at the price it is now, if it hasn’t been raised. I’m already hurt by the decisions. It’s hard enough for me to find Sam Adam’s Summer Ale (my personal favorite) as it is right now, since the season is essentially over for it-but to pay more for it? Talk about paying painfully for pleasure.

Stampede!

Farms are dangerous places. Sure, they smell bad and there is all sorts of machinery around, but it’s mostly dangerous because of the animals and the false sense of security into which you are lured. We think of farms the way we think about our childhood, we even have books and songs from our childhood to make us feel safe.

Unfortunately, the animals know all of this, and they sit waiting to capitalize on it. We have books about that, too. The animals in England, the cows, in particular, are uprising. Cows have killed four farmers in the past two months. It’s so bad that the the National Farmers Union has issued a warning to all farmers about these attacks.

Summarily, the British resolved to defend their isle until the end.

Take it from Snee: The line between celebrity and reality

Steven Segal is actually arresting you. You're not high.Arnold Schwarzenegger keeps his Conan Atlantean sword in his office as governor of California, a crown he won with the blood of thousands earned an office with the votes of millions.

Steven Seagal is a Sherrif’s deputy in the Jefferson Parish of New Orleans. He got the position by teaching cops there his martial arts moves and avenging their deaths endearing himself to them.

Tony Danza is a public high school teacher in Philadelphia, where he and his daughter will bond over her mother’s loss he’ll try to teach some kids English literature and maybe-a-little theater if they’re good, eh?

Could the line between celebrity fiction and reality blur any more? Here are my suggestions:
Continue reading Take it from Snee: The line between celebrity and reality

A Fox as a cat? Now we’ve seen everything

Ever since Christopher Nolan announced that he would make another Batman movie, the rumor mill has wondered who the villain(s) will be and–more importantly–who will be cast and naysayed until they die.

Today’s rumor comes from MTV UK, and it presents Megan Fox as the possible new Catwoman.

Comparing this version of Catwoman to previous ones, The Sun (a trustworthy source, indeed) said that Fox plans to make the character “more sinister,” having “a darker edge” and “not being able to act her way into a nude scene.”

Legal cock-up yields loophole for youngsters

The free market wins again! The cock-up of lawmakers is your gain, youngsters!

At least, if you live in Britain.

It’s always been considered illegal to sell adult-rated video games and movies to minors in the United Kingdom, ever since the Video Recordings Act of 1984. However, it’s been discovered today that the required paperwork was never put through properly, meaning that it’s actually been legal to sell adult entertainment to children for the past twenty-five years! In order for a law to be formally passed in the U.K., it has to be forwarded first to the European Union. Nobody ever actually did this when the law was drawn up over two decades ago, meaning it was never officially in place or legally enforceable.

What does this mean? Those who have already been convicted of an offense under the act will remain convicted, and can’t have their penalties/fines/sentences reduced. But those about to be prosecuted will be spared, at least until the government can enact “emergency legislation” to close the loophole. And in the meantime? Until said loophole is closed, it’s 100% legal for anyone, of any age, to buy anything. Movies, games, porn, doesn’t matter. Even if it’s media content that was previously banned in the U.K., until that emergency legislation is passed, it’s all good.

So, teenagers and pre-teens of the U.K., what are you waiting for? Hop to it and contribute to both the free market and your cerebral delinquency!