You Missed It: Walking is out edition

It’s here. Fall. Yes, it is in fact official. Some people love it, they say that they enjoy the milder temperatures and the bright, beautiful colors the leaves turn as the winter goes on. These people, of course, are Alzheimer’s patients. They forget the constant rains, the leaf raking, and oh yeah, and the sense of doom because WINTER is just a few months away. If you were busy denying the Holocaust this week, odds are you missed it.

We’re going to have to re-think cities!
On the heels of the Segway and that weird thing that GM and Segway made, Honda has released a new mode of personal transportation. And no, it’s not on the back of one of those robot things. It’s a unicycle type thing with the catchy name U3-X. Just hop on and guide it whereever you want. In other news, a barstool that drives you home might be the greatest investion ever.

Well, there go all the drug jokes
Actress Mackenzie Phillips shocked the world this week in an interview with Oprah when she admitted to having sex with her rock star father John Phillips for 10 years–while she was married. In other news, the Mamas and the Papas just takes on a weirder name now, doesn’t it?

Better late than never
As of this week, iPhone users will be able to send Media Messaging Service (MMS) messages. You may know these things as picture messages, video messages and sound bite messages. Welcome to 2004, iWhores, we’ve been waiting to show you this picture we took of this dude who was passed out drunk in a chair with market all over his face.

Back to the old drawing board …

"Allow me to introduce myself: Wyle E. Coyote, sexual genius."The list of ways to have sex with ladies without getting them pregnant is now one method shorter. It appears that women can get pregnant again when they’re already pregnant, so don’t believe all the hype on that fetish.

Fortunately, that still leaves:

  • Anal
  • Oral
  • Post-menopausal women
  • Condoms (though only 99.9 percent effective and everyone reading this must be exceptional)
  • Being a lesbian
  • Painting a second egg on the uterine wall, causing your sperm to crash headlong into it instead of fertilizing the real egg

Law enforcement, Mississippi style

This are different is Mississippi. While the police there have to deal with crime, proverty and the ravages of scurvy, they also have to deal with emus.

Apparently, emus run wild in the state, and harass drivers on Interstate 20. Well, they did anyway. Police took down one emu in Scott County who refused to get off the roadway. The emu was so stubborn that it had to be shocked with a Taser and handcuffed.

The emu was then “taken in for questioning.” Yeah, questioned by a nightstick.

Passen Sie heraus für die Dornenbüsche auf

Something tells me that, much like nude beaches, the people who will be hiking nude will be the last people on earth you’d like to see hiking nude.

Except now they’re German and obviously Nazis. Because if we didn’t stereotype, then someone else would.

“You know who else liked to be nude? Hitler!”