You Missed It: Random award edition
Posted on October 9, 2009
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A long time ago, a man named Columbus discovered the New World for Europeans. He explored the vast new land found in several voyages, and brought civilization (and smallpox) to the local native population. We celebrate that event by giving a handful of people a Monday off. If you are one of them, I hate you. If you were busy blowing up the moon, odds are you missed it.
It’s not special if everybody gets one
President Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize this week, despite only being in office for 11 days before the nomination deadline. Obama is widely credited for his peaceful negotiations that convinced the Bush administration to vacate the White House. He joins Theodore Roosevelt (who won for letting the Japanese and Russians kill each other for a while) and Woodrow Wilson (who peacefully told Germany that the Great War was all their fault, solving the problem forever) as the only sitting presidents to win the prize.
The parks that booze built
Anheuser Busch InBev said this week that it would sell the theme parks it picked up when InBev bought Anheuser Busch. Say, Disney’s been buying up stuff lately. Maybe they’ll be interested. Then you could get tanked with Tinkerbell!
‘This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy’
Did you think you had seen the last of the Vacation movies? Man, you were wrong! We’re going to get ANOTHER damn movie, only this time, it’s going to be following Rusty and his family. Which Rusty we’ll be following remains to be seen.
We’d like a Nobel piece of that action
Posted on October 9, 2009
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The big shocking news of the day is that the Norwegian Nobel Committee has awarded President Barack Obama the Nobel Peace Prize. And, of course, the critics of the president want to know what he’d done in the last ten months to deserve such recognition.
The Committee praised Obama for:
- Starting nuclear disarmament talks.
- Consulting with the U.N. and international communities before bombing invading new countries.
- Inspiring an emotion (hope) without instituting a nonfluctuating color chart.
So, in other words, not only were the current batch of peacemakers kind of inactive, but the last president made this one look so damn good.
We’d like to congratulate the Nobel Committee for reaching such a decision, but what about prizes for the people that elected him? Hope’s pretty shallow in a square office, if you know what we mean. (Obama does.)
Written by Rick SneeHey look, another use for Saturn
Posted on October 9, 2009
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No, we’re not talking about the defunct game console that was essentially beaten by its own makers.
No, we’re not talking about the soon to be defunct car company that was beaten by less efficient cars.
We’re talking about the planet! NASA, those caaaa-razy guys with glasses, have found a new, giant ring around the planet. This is puzzling considering that planet Saturn is absolutely colossal, and you would think that one of its rings, which fit around this gigantic ball, would be fairly easy to find by now.
It would be if Rick Snee hadn’t broken the Hubble Telescope 10 years ago. I won’t go into the story of how that happened, but let’s just say that it involved a dromedary camel, fire retardant foam, a George Foreman grill, Raul Julia’s mustache from The Addams Family and the space shuttle Victory.
In order to fill our nerd quotient of the week, here’s a helpful hint: make sure to look up two of Saturn’s moons, Mimas and Iapetus. That’s right, both Death Stars revolve around Saturn. /nerd quotient
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorBirds on a plane
Posted on October 9, 2009
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It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s and bird and a plane!
Birds have shown a penchant for attacking our commercial aircraft by hitting windshields and getting stuck in jet turbines. But now, they have found other ways of holding up your flights: by boarding the plane before you do.
A plane in South Korea was all set to take off, when the flight was grounded because there was a sparrow flying around the cabin, making all sorts of demands. The bird became so much of a nuisance that the passengers had to get off the plane and hop on another one. The sparrow was captured, but incredibly, South Korean authorities let it go.
That sort of thing would never happen in North Korea.
Written by Bryan McBournie