Day: October 22, 2009

MasterChugs Theater: ‘See No Evil’

I like to think I have a penchant for exaggeration. And yet, no matter how hard I strain my brain, I cannot summon any hyperbole to properly relate just how bad WWE Films’ See No Evil is. Every time I rest my fingers on the home keys, they impulsively want to carve forth a ruthless stream of obscenities. You see, this is one of those rare instances where not only do I simply not like a movie, but the act of watching it angered me on a cellular level.

It may be more than just a horrible horror movie. It just may be the worst movie I’ve ever seen.

For the love of God, please do not let this become one of those scenarios where I write an unrelenting, negative review of a film and you, nameless reader, say to yourself, “There is no way this movie can actually be THAT bad? I’ve got to see this for myself!”

You don’t. You really, really don’t. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘See No Evil’

World record broken, still lame

What did you do between September 4 and September 6? Twenty-six year-old private equity broker Chirantan Patnaik played Grand Theft Auto IV—for 40 hours and 20 minutes straight. We’ll guess that’s he not that much of a socialite.

The man from Mumbai started playing at his home on September 4 at 10:00 a.m. and wrapped up on September 6 at 2:00 a.m., taking only four breaks. His marathon play session was observed by observers and has earned its place in the Guinness Book, surpassing the previous record of playing GTA IV for 28 hours and 1 minute.

“There are so many other games which I have played for long hours,” says Patnaik. But I had never tried playing this particular game seriously. However, I knew that I can do it after I saw my brother playing it … I enjoyed the game very much. It’s fun playing long hours. It wasn’t that exhaustive for me, as one might feel.”

To train for the event, he exercised, ran and did yoga, and while playing, he guzzled coffee and munched on dates. Next up, Patnaik plans to play for more 48 hours straight.

You know, I hate to play up a stereotype (actually, that’s a lie, as I don’t hate doing so in the very least), but somehow, I have questions as to whether he really exercised beforehand. Don’t believe me? Reference that quote again.

Western technology at work for traditional values

Better known as Bon Jovi Disease.Look, we’re not condoning attempting to kill your children because they’ve grown “too Westernized.” In fact, we’re taking the hard line here and saying we’re against it: attacking your kids to uphold your ideology is wrong. (There, we said it.)

But … if you’re going to do it, wouldn’t it make a stronger message if your method doesn’t involve a Jeep?

Seriously, we can see you hauling a bunch of rocks to throw at her with it, maybe even rigging it with explosives, but letting the rubber meet the road? Maybe she learned it by watching you, dad.

Y’all ready for some reading?!

There’s a new e-reader out there, from Barnes & Noble that is set to compete with Amazon’s Kindle over the “people who like carrying around a bug-prone slab instead of a freaking book” market.

It’s called the Nook. As in, rhymes with “book.”

Or, as in, “I did it all for the Nook e-reader (yeah), the Nook e-reader (yeah), the Nook e-reader.”