Month: October 2009

Take it from Snee: The Trial of the 21st Century

I know, not fair using the cable-knit "What are you thinking?" picture.

A number of factors made the O.J. Simpson trial the Trial of the 20th Century. It involved celebrities, like a young, up-and-coming Kato Kaelin. The charges concerned murder most foul. Its protagonists made strong stand-ins for Los Angeles’ and America’s long-simmering racial unrest, particularly after the Rodney King incidents.

But, ultimately, it was about timing. Not only had the nation forgotten about past contenders like the Scopes Monkey Trial, Roe v. Wade and even the recent Lorena Bobbitt and Rodney King trials, but this was 1995. What trial was going to pop-up before 2000 (technically, 2001) and be more compelling than Nordberg knifing of his ex-wife and some waiter?

It is based on these criteria that I’ve evaluated this young century’s court cases, looking for the first Trial of the 21st Century. And, finally, after nine long years of watching nothing but Court TV, I can report that that trial … is upon us: the Sandra Bullock custody battle.

How does it measure up to last century’s winner? Let’s go to the board: Continue reading Take it from Snee: The Trial of the 21st Century

Phillies fans (allegedly) blow

A lifetime of sex in exchange for food, shelter, and babies? ASK.Police arrested 43-year-old Susan Finkelstein for soliciting prostitution (and related misdeamenors) in exchange for World Series tickets.

The Bensalem cops set up the sting after finding her ad on Craigslist, proving that you really can find anything you’re looking for on that site, whether it’s tickets or sex with a “married with children, current Penn grad student in liberal arts and onetime assistant PR director at the University of Pennsylvania.”

When she met the cop in the bar, she reportedly offered to “engage in various sexual acts in return for a ticket,” and when assured he did, “she was willing to up the sexcapades, according to [Bensalem Public Safety Director Fred] Harran.”

“Up the sexcapades?” Really? That’s your quote, public official? … OK.

We’re not endorsing prostitution, but remember, always always always ask if someone’s a cop when offering sex for payment, even if it’s just for dinner and a movie.

If at first you don’t succeed …

… then garner pity by attempting it again. And again.

Erik Estavillo is back, and this time, he means it! Not content with getting his ludicrous case thrown out of court, Estavillo has decided to appeal the decision, determined to make Sony pay for the mental anguish that a PSN ban allegedly inflicted on him.

Not only will Estavillo appeal the original case, he has also filed a new civil claim against Sony, demanding $108,000 compensation. This is quite a significant boost to his original claim, which “only” asked for $55,000. Estavillo claims that Sony’s banning caused him “pain and suffering” and violated his rights to free speech. He also alleges that he had money invested in his PSN account, which amounts to theft on the part of Sony.

And he’s still representing himself.

The ‘Can you hear me now’ guy is an infidel

Being a refugee is tough, regardless of where you are. Resources are scarce, there’s little or no plan to go along with, and people keep trying to rape your daughters. Luckily, the United Nations is here for you.

If you happen to have fled your Iraqi homeland for Syria to escape the slaughter and civil unrest going on in what was once your neighborhood,  you are now taken care of. All you need is your cell phone so you can receive a text message from the U.N. for a good voucher.

What’s that? You forgot your cell phone when the Shiites ran you out of town, and you would not have paid your bill this month anyway because you have no source of income at the moment, and even if you had, you’re in a different country partially covered in desert so you have no service? Well I guess you should have planned ahead!

Eat My Sports: Grab bag

Welcome back SeriouslyReaders, I’m pumped up this week, and not just from my new hitting instructor. I’m moving this week, which basically means my life is scattered between two places, boxed up in different corners and having me bribe people with beer to help me move my crap. So needless to say, I’m a little scatterbrained, and lucky for you, so has sports this past week.

There’s been a lot on the plate, so I’m going to give you the stories, and you’re just going to shut up and take it (see kids, I’ve adopted the Dan Snyder philosophy, I will forcibly make you put up with my bull####!!!).

Cashing in
In case you haven’t heard, the New York Yankees have succesfuly bought themselves a trip back to the Fall Classic for the first time since 2003. Their near half a billion dollar off season has paid big dividends and A-Rod has finally realized that it’s OK to hit the ball somewhere other than to an infielder playing in during October.

From all of us here at SG, GO PHILLIES!!! Continue reading Eat My Sports: Grab bag

Then what’s legal corpse abandonment?

“She died in late September. She wasn’t well before that and I asked her if she wanted to go to hospital but she said she didn’t need to go.”

That’s what a Fukuoka City man told police as they arrested him for illegal corpse abandonment. Police found Tatsuya Hirade’s wife laying in bed, dead, where she laid untouched for about a month. Ewwwwww. No cause of death is known.

And that was that. A lady died, and Hirade went about his business, leaving her there. No police or ambulance was called when she died. There may be ties to domestic violence, though nothing has been determined yet.

Who leaves a dead body in their house for that long? Well, I might be able to come up with a few instances, but I wouldn’t really recommend them.

Not a good week for Scientology

In this bathroom metaphor, he's heading your poop off at the pass.

Fresh on the heels of–director of Crash—Paul Haggis’ scathing resignation letter, the Church of Scientology was dealt another blow by the Headline of the Day.

The French have done what most people assumed was a granted: convicted the organization of fraud. (Technically, members of the church have been convicted in the past, but this is the first time the church as a whole and its leadership were fined.)

Look, most religions are based around questionable practices of, at best, dubious rationale. But, pretending to have scientific knowledge about aliens in your body and the ability to assuage said aliens with expensive spa and counseling treatments as recommended by a dead science fiction writer? Sounds legit to us. Bad form, French courts.

Sport of the Week: Soccer

In the U.S., soccer is largely ignored–because it’s boring as hell and we have more important things to be doing. But the rest of the world is not as important, and lead duller lives overall. However, it might be time to give soccer a second look.

The “World Cup” will be played in South Africa sometime in the near future, so we are lead to believe. That’s not important. What is important is that South African leaders want to bless the stadiums that will host the alleged sport. And when you bless something, you might as well do it right. They want to slaughter animals.

This is brilliant. Not only would they be able to show the world that animal existence will not be tolerated, but it can spread the message that we all need to do our part as soldiers in this war.

The McBournie Minute: DirecTV practices the black arts

It’s Halloween time, that means everyone will have costume pictures on the Facebook profiles in a week we are half way through the Christmas shopping season it’s nearly time to party. Yours truly may not survive Halloween because I will be going to a murder party. Having never been to one before, I’m not sure what level of make-believe is. So if it comes down to them or me, my hunting knife ought to win out. I bought a fedora for my costume the other day, not because I am going to be Don Draper for Halloween, but the party is supposed to be a 1920s speakeasy. I plan to draw on my college experience to play the part of drinking in secret.

But still, because it’s that time of year, things are getting lame brands of spooky, mostly television and theme parks. We have to accept that they are getting faux-creepy, but sometimes they go a little over the top. I can put up with horror movie marathons and the New York Yankees in the World Series to give me the heeby-jeebies, but commercials are where I draw the line.

DirecTV has recently launched a few new famous movie scene re-dub commercials where they pay semi famous people like Naomi Watts. This time around they’re smacking us around with some action from David Spade–not that we asked for it or anything. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: DirecTV practices the black arts