The McBournie Minute: How do I get on one of these death panels?

Posted on November 9, 2009
Filed Under McBournie Minute | Leave a Comment |

I’m a big fan of Sarah Palin. In fact, I’m probably one of the few people south of Manitoba who knew who she was before John McCain chose her as his running mate. She’s perky, she’s smarmy and she’s a snappy dresser. She has a way of looking down at you through her glasses while she tells you you’re stupid and hate the troops because you dared ask her a question.

As dames go, she’s an alright broad. In fact, I’d like to say that she’s my friend, only she hasn’t accepted the request on Facebook. Still, I get to follow her by her fan page. That’s how I happened upon her most recent editorial against the health care bill that was shoehorned through the U.S. House of Representatives recently.

Set aside your “socialism” claims and concern for the future of the American health care system as we know it, the death panels are back–at least according to Palin. So since I can’t ask her directly, I’ll ask her here: how do I get on one of these death panels? Read more

Written by Bryan McBournie

Online cig retailers can’t quit cold turkey

Posted on November 9, 2009
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The FDA sent out a warning letter to 14 online companies that are breaking new cigarette laws, which indicates that the FDA may be a UN organization. The companies received the written hand-wringing for continuing to sell flavored cigarettes.

Flavored cigarettes violate the Tobacco Control Act, which was signed into law by President Obama in June. Candy, fruit and herb-flavored cigarettes were outlawed because the FDA believes they entice children and teens who want to look older, but can no longer associate original flavors with cartoon characters.

So, if you want to sell cigarettes, flavors are not OK, unless those flavors are:

Anything else would be unnatural.

Written by Rick Snee

Eventualanddestructive war … in … SPACE!

Posted on November 9, 2009
Filed Under It Must Be Science!, Tokyoh-no! | Leave a Comment |

An entire generation of geeks has clearly finally been given the reins of all the science and technology in Japan. The space agency of the country is aiming to build a solar power station in space. Their desire? To create an orbital maser cannon a renewable resource that can be harvested a near unlimited amount of times (in the relative future).

This can only end in battles between gigantic robots. But for Pete’s sake, whatever you do, make sure Cobra Commander does not hear about this news.

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

You’ll be driving, long time

Posted on November 9, 2009
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Further proof that driving laws should be stricter, and that there should be a limit on how many times you can fail a test, a South Korean woman finally passed her written driving test, after 950 tries.

Written by Bryan Schools

That movie about the hockey team was fake, too

Posted on November 9, 2009
Filed Under War on Aliens | Leave a Comment |

Believe it or not, movies aren’t real. Even the ones that claim to be documentaries can be based on staged events or presented in an unfair light (sorry, Michael Moore fans). But what about a scary movie that claims to be a bit more real than the average movie?

We’re not talking about Paranormal Activity, we’re talking about The Fourth Kind, which is supposedly about a series of alien abductions in Nome, Alaska that happened in in 2004. This all makes sense, except that the FBI figured out the disappearances were the result of cold weather and alcohol, which generally don’t get along after a certain point.

Oh, and there’s the hypnosis, you know, like the kind you saw at the fair when the guy made his subjects think it was really cold and made them huddle together.

So for any of you still wondering out there, no alien abductions are not real. (At least that’s what we’re being told to tell you.)

Written by Bryan McBournie