Eat My Sports: Booze News style
Posted on November 10, 2009
Filed Under Booze News, Eat My Sports | Leave a Comment |
Hello, I’m legendary SeriouslyWriter Bryan Schools. I don’t quite know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal, people know me.
And people who know SG know Booze News. People who know Booze News, tend to drink and people who tend to drink tend know good booze, but unfortunately, due to a bad economy and general low standards, they also know bad booze. Kind of like sports has the cream of the crop, and then the cream of the crap, there’s good, there’s bad, and that my friends inspired my horrible idea for a column to compare the best and worst teams of each of the major pro sports … to brands of booze (and in no way was I drinking a vodka Red Bull and Mountain Dew when I wrote this, nor was it Smirnoff, the Denver Nuggets of alcohol). Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsWarrior of the Week: Dean Brougham
Posted on November 10, 2009
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
We don’t see enough fighters anymore. No, I’m not talking about MMA or Brazilian jujitsu or UFC or anything like that-I’m talking about actual fighting. The sporty kind that involves men wearing striped unitards and handlebar mustaches. Pugilism is honestly a lost art. No puts up their dukes anymore, and that’s sad, because you never know when you might need those special skills.
You know who didn’t forget the lost art of putting them up, putting them up? Dean Brougham. The man was out spear-fishing when a shark viciously attacked him. When the shark latched onto him, Brougham did some attacking of his own, punching it over and over in the mouth. He punched it so much that the shark let go of him and swam away.
That is easily the most bad-ass sentence that I’ve ever written in my life.
He lost no appendages in the battle. Brougham is currently recuperating with all signs pointing to a good recovery.
“I just started beating it, just trying to get rid of it, and then it let me go and then I was just straight towards the cliffs,” he said.
If I were him, I’d get that statement written on some business cards. Because sometimes the truth is awesome.
Courtesy of Groonk
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorIt’s like our grandparents broke up
Posted on November 10, 2009
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They may have stayed together for Liv Tyler, but it looks like Steven Tyler and the rest of Aerosmith just can’t keep up appearances anymore. (Although, Tyler’s injury from a fall led to the canceling of said appearances.)
Of course, there’s always one party of denial in any breakup, especially when they’ve been together for 39 years–just shy of the ruby anniversary. Joe Perry said he hasn’t heard it direct from Tyler himself. But, he’s still auditioning younger, hotter singers just in case.
In related news, both Sesame Street and the NASA moon landing–who just celebrated their own 40th anniversaries–clucked at the sad state of Aerosmith and mused that nobody has the patience to work at a relationship anymore.
Written by Rick SneeApple’s never gonna give you up
Posted on November 10, 2009
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Earlier, some jailbroken iPhones were “held hostage.”
Now? The first ever iPhone worm may have been discovered. Possible symptoms of the worm include never giving you up, letting you down, running around, desert you, making you cry, saying goodbye, telling lies or hurting you.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorMmmm, raw meat sitting in the sun
Posted on November 10, 2009
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It’s raw, it’s meaty, it’s long and best of all it’s wrapped in seaweed.
Students at the University of California, Berkeley, rolled and then ate a 330-foot roll of sushi, breaking a previous world record set in 2001. In all, about 200 pounds of rice, 80 pounds of avocado, 80 pounds of cucumber and 180 pounds of fish were used.
Apparently oblivious to the threat posed by H1N1 and the numerous other diseases that college kids contract, hundreds of students ate the sushi afterwards. So any day now we’ll be hearing about it.
Written by Bryan McBournie