Take it from Snee: We need more swearing exceptions
Posted on November 18, 2009
Filed Under Take it from Snee | 2 Comments |
As a child, my parents had a no swearing rule. They worked hard to clean up their language, and the resulting stress caused them to flip out whenever I broke that rule.
There was one morning, though, when my dad was watching a movie with explosions, camouflage and all of my favorite words. I asked why the men in the movie were allowed to cuss, and he said, “Because they’re at war.”
Imagine the impression this would make on a 5-year-old boy. From that point, I resolved to become either a soldier or a war movie actor, just so I could say whatever I wanted. (This same logic made me want to become a bowler so I could smoke and Robocop so I could eat baby food.)
Growing up, I learned there are a few other exceptions to the no swearing rule in the general public beyond international conflict.
- Moments of great pain
- In newfangled non-rhyming poetry
- While making love for the first time
But is that all? Surely there are more situations where we–not just I–need to express ourselves with the lambada dance steps of communication.
Professional Football
Look, I get it: professional athletes are role models, and role models are adults who don’t use adult language. Whatever.
But, football consists of role models hitting each other, occasionally causing injury. And let’s not forget the humiliation of defeat, often celebrated with less frowned upon displays. (You can display bad sportsmanship, but watch your language there, mister!) And let’s not forget the refs.
There are two situations that show the need for swearing exceptions in the NFL.
If your team has won its third game in a row in what had been a winless season, it should be OK to celebratorally swear, including in sign language. In fact, we should name it The Toothless Yosemite Sam.
If you are Ray Lewis, you should be allowed to swear. Period. This should never be recorded by a journalist ever again:
“’Heck yeah, it was a cheap shot,’ Lewis said. ‘[...] Now this man is out four or five weeks because of some baloney like that.’”
History Classrooms
When it comes to the history of the world and the actions of humanity, students should be given smoke breaks just to take in how much evil we’ve perpetrated on each other. Since schools are tobacco-free zones, though, swearing could relieve some tension until they can reach the corner across the street.
If anything, the curriculum could be shortened to make room for more facts in state Standards of Learning tests:
Anytime politics or religion are brought up in conversation
There are only two reasons why people bring up either one in conversation:
- They are trying to convert you.
- They’re too stupid to know that you don’t want to talk about it, much less with an idiot.
It’s like telling your best friend about how well your date went last night … with his wife. You’re either socially retarded or you’re trying to finish your Fight Club homework. (Bonus retard points if you believe you’re in a fight club.)
Plus, didn’t it used to be rude to bring up either topic, almost on par with calling the eggs benedict “f@%king delicious, ma?” I submit it still is, and at any occasion should nullify any and all restrictions on swearing, even in church.
Written by Rick SneeComments
2 Responses to “Take it from Snee: We need more swearing exceptions”
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There is one other exception that should be considered, if we fail to repeal the ban altogether. That situation is when you receive a significant post-secondary test back from the TA, and have utterly failed.
No force on earth can possibly mitigate the burning hate that is boiling up in your soul, when you look at your ECON mid-term, only to see a horrifying “F” on the top. That is a moment in life, where the only balm to your spirit, is to stand on your chair, and call your Prof. a “Fuck-Pipe”.
That is completely on-side, IMO.
dont forget there is a time and place for everything: its called college. some of the sh@t I said in college was F%cked up!