The McBournie Minute: Don’t let Tiger Woods drive the golf cart

Welcome back, everyone. Hope both of you had a great Thanksgiving. I can’t speak for the rest of The Guys, but as much as I enjoyed a little time to relax, I missed being able to write–so much so that my fingers are rusty. I mean that metaphorically, of course.

No one’s really talking about it at the moment, but I hear tell that Tiger Woods, who you may know is a professional golfer, and pretty good, at that, got in a car accident outside his home while we were gone. What we do know is that it happened in the wee hours of the night, when nothing but arrests and pregnancies happen. We know that Woods was leaving his house when he hit a fire hydrant, which probably made an awesome geyser like you see in movie car chases. We know he hit a tree head on. We know that at some point the driver’s side window was broken.

We know that this isn’t the first time Tiger’s drive has gone off course and gotten him in a pickle. What? No more golf jokes? Fine. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Don’t let Tiger Woods drive the golf cart

Which means they should serve jury duty for us

Fortunately for Teddy, none of the other candidates are named Jacob.Ever since Ted Kennedy bowed out of the health care debate due to a pre-existing condition, four candidates in Massachusetts are trying to out lib each other to replace him.

In the latest effort for each to paint the other three as downright gunsmoking fascists, three of them said they support lowering the voting age from 18 to 17.

If this happens, the percentage of sober voters is expected to triple. However, the candidates will have shot themselves in the foot if Kennedy returns from the dead.

No new minuets!

Muslim countries are not typically known for their love of dancing, that title is normally reserved for Western countries with access to drugs that make it possible for everyone to dance. However, the Swiss are tired of the minuets, and are in fact proposing a ban of the 17th century music and the dance that accompanies it.

What’s more mysterious than why the Swiss suddenly don’t want any new minuets written is why this is apparently going to cause tensions with Muslim countries. They claim that minuets could “serve the interests of extremist circles.”

This means that al Qaeda members may now be more easily spotted. Watch out for the powdered wigs.