Day: December 1, 2009

Eat My Sports: Take a Bowden

I can’t stand Florida State. Mainly, because for they were college football’s big bully for most of when I was growing up. The past ten years have softened everyone’s view of them in the NCAA landscape, but I still can’t shake the disdain I had for that school circa 1990-2000. I viewed them with the same disdain I had/have for Duke basketball, Dallas Cowboys, Detroit Red Wings and New York Yankees. A lot of people liked them because they were winners, but there was something always a little slimy about how they won. All that being said, I respect the hell out of Bobby Bowden, and he just got done wrong.

As much as I may loathe certain people and franchises, some of them have earned my respect. Derek Jeter is probably one of the top five sportsmen you’ll ever see, and he deserves to retire a Yankee even if he never makes contact with another pitch. Same goes for David Ortiz with the Red Sox, Paul Pierce with the Celtics and Peyton Manning with the Colts. Certain people change the culture and no matter how steep they fall, deserve to go out on their own terms.

Florida State was nothing when Bobby Bowden became the head coach, nothing. Natioinal titles and top recruiting classes were things that you joked about. Florida State had about as much of a chance of winning a title as Rick does of cashing in on his dream of getting Miley Cyrus. 34 years later we’re talking of the culmination of one of the greatest coaches and programs we will ever see, an empire that one man built, and he’s retiring because the school is forcing him to after a stringing together a few seasons that were below the standards that Bowden himself had established. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Take a Bowden

SG not responsible for irrepressable manliness, hangovers

This is how The Guys stay in blogging shape.

According to researchers, exercise may keep you young at a molecular level. They believe that exercise keeps telomeres, which are essentially aglets on the shoelaces of your DNA strands, long enough to prevent fraying and cell death (their analogy).

In fact, active test subjects were cellularly on par with inactive people 10 years younger.

So, if you’re 16 and trying to buy beer, for the love of God, don’t exercise. Avoid stairs, sleep in front of the fridge and brush your teeth with Cheez-Whiz (and don’t spit afterwards). Your only mission in life is to sit absolutely still while growing an almost perceptible mustache.

It’s alive! Alive! Ali-eww, why I can’t I eat it?

Want real meat that’s completely cruelty free? For the first time, scientists have grown a pork chop in a laboratory, a breakthrough that could lead to a future of meat that could be harvested without killing animals.

Researchers at Eindhoven University, backed by funding from a sausage manufacturer and the Dutch government, have grown pork from cells harvested from a live pig. Although meat from goldfish has been grown from a lab, this is the first time mammal meat has been grown in-vitro. The researchers harvested myoblasts from the muscles of a live pig. These cells are programmed to repair damage and grow into muscle, and the team was able to culture a mass of muscle cells by incubating the myoblasts in a nutrient-rich “broth.” The resulting meat is a bit soggy, and needs exercise to be as tough as the meat that comes from a once-living animal, but the team is looking for ways to “train” the meat and improve its texture.

Laboratory rules prevent anyone from actually tasting the meat, so no one knows how the flavor of soggy, lab-grown meat compares to that grown on pigs. But the researchers believe that in-vitro meats could be available to consumers in as little as five years.

Now, do we, the Guys, agree with this move by science? Not necessarily. Granted, being able to have meat at anytime that you want (grow it in your window-sill, kids!) is a wonderful option. I’ve been privy to many a discussion about how bacon is the most perfect food on the planet, and I’m sure that said people probably would love the ability to have a near endless supply of the pork by-product. But should we be robbed of our ability to prove our dominance over animals? What happens when we become too happy with this lab produced food-will the animals rest for us? I doubt it.

Stop that bare-assed thief!

It’s December, which means for the northern hemisphere, it’s pretty much winter. Does that mean the animals are taking the winter off? Hell no. They’re just letting their allies to the south take over.

In South Africa, baboons are shaking down innocent drivers as they pass. They have learned to open car doors and can easily hop through an open window, allowing them to comb the car for food, demand money, assault women, whatever. Recently, a troupe of 29 of the terrible monkeys conducted an assault on a line of cars.

They’re getting smarter, and they have a better idea of where the picanic baskets are. If you’re heading to South Africa for some sightseeing, remember to bring an elephant gun.