Take it from Snee: This ‘Fight Club’ sucks

Posted on December 2, 2009
Filed Under Take it from Snee | 2 Comments |

OK, so you may have noticed a few digs against fight clubs in this space recently.

It’s not that I dislike the book or the movie. Far from it, actually. The book is a fascinating yarn about young males in a non-violent society’s quest for manhood. The movie is, in some ways, superior to the book … until the ending.

Whatever.

My problem with Fight Club is that same one I have with anal sex: practical application. You see, I was invited to attend a “real” one.

Here’s what happened: Read more

Written by Rick Snee

Some advice if you’re running for office

Posted on December 2, 2009
Filed Under Scurry (Politics), What a Reach! | Leave a Comment |

The Guys have followed a lot of elections since way back in 2007. In that time, we’ve covered the emergence of new political tools like robocalls and observing foreign countries from your backyard. But, there’s one that has gained more popularity than any other: refusing to accept the results.

Recounts, which entered the modern campaign vocabulary in the 2000 presidential race have gone on to hold up the increasingly smaller results of senate, representative and now mayoral races.

One of either two things needs to happen:

  1. The American people need to start voting for popular people in hasty, landslide elections like in the good old days of prom season, or
  2. Politicians need to concede when they’ve lost and start planning for the next race.

All we’re saying is that election workers hate sitting in warehouses all day. If you think another count is going to magically reverse the results and curry their favor, then you probably also eat more spit than your average McDonald’s gourmand.

Written by Rick Snee

It’s gonna be HUGE!

Posted on December 2, 2009
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |

In a story that’s probably just trying to divert attention from the drama surrounding his racy performance, American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert used to be a huge, raging … uh … boy. Lambert told CNN that back in high-school he used to be in the upwards of 250 pounds.

What Lambert didn’t tell CNN is that he probably still ways 250 pounds of makeup and eye-liner. Because you know, that’s how you obviously get all thhe dudes that look like chicks.

Written by Bryan Schools

Tastes like … pooooiiiii-soooooon

Posted on December 2, 2009
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |

If you’re just another run of the mill bacteria looking to get by in life, then the phrase “you are what you eat” definitely applies to you.

Two-thirds of all store-bought whole broiler chickens contain salmonella and/or campylobacter, according to a study by Consumer Reports. The magazine tested 383 chickens it purchased in 100 supermarkets, gourmet- and natural-food stores, and other mass retailers in 22 states and found an alarmingly high level of contamination.

More than 80 percent of Tyson and Foster Farms chickens contained either one or both salmonella and capylobacter, making them the name-brand chickens with the most contaminates. On the other hand, Perdue had the cleanest chickens with 56 percent of their birds found to be free from food-borne organisms. Consumer Reports found the safest purchase to be air-chilled, organic broilers with 40 percent containing one or both salmonella or campylobacter.

I’m sure that this is incredibly serious news, especially to a poultry consumer like myself, but the direness of the issue is just not something that I can grab. I mean, it’s no good at all that chickens are clearly poisoning themselves in order to slay mankind. That’s incredibly bad and disheartening. But I can’t stop laughing at the name “campylobacter.”

BWAHAHAHA! Campylobacter!

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

Illness, money problems and Miley Cyrus

Posted on December 2, 2009
Filed Under Regular Post | 3 Comments |

Ask.com the search engine that not many people use anymore, released the top ten questions asked of it this year. Shockingly, “How awesome is Bryan McBournie?” was left off the list. Nevertheless, according to my watch, there is still one month left to turn that around. I’m looking to you all out there to help this dream come true.

The questions are:

  1. How much should I weigh?
  2. How do I get out of debt fast?
  3. How do I get pregnant?
  4. What is Twitter?
  5. What is Miley Cyrus’ phone number?
  6. What is the meaning of life?
  7. When will the world end?
  8. How long does marijuana stay in your system?
  9. What are the symptoms of Swine Flu?
  10. What time is it?

Basically, we’re all fat, broke, desperate, confused, pederastic, existentialist, fatalist, reeferheaded, under the weather and somehow unable to see the damn clock that sits on the corner of our screens. Don’t worry, I have the answers here for you. You could stand to lose a few pounds. Sell drugs. You didn’t pay attention in high school, did you? It’s an interesting microblogging site old people call “The Twitter.” I don’t know it, but you know, everybody has those days. Whiskey. Several months, because of a significant half life. Coughing, headache, fever, chills, vomiting, diarrhea, and similar to excessive exposure to Glen Beck. It’s 9 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, now get a watch.

Written by Bryan McBournie